Love, Sex, and Fifty Shades of Confusion

True Vs. False Love
The seeds of the apple formed the five-pointed star, which matched the orbit of Venus (top left), the planet of love.

By Cathy Eck


Sexual Confusion

I get a lot of requests to write about sex, and I have here and there.  But readers keep requesting more because it’s a very confusing and loaded topic.  Some spiritual teachers are high on love and down on sex.  Others are high on sex and claim it’s essential to love.  We all recognize that when love and sex unite, it’s an amazing experience.  Sex can be a form of creation at it’s very best.  But sex is also very deceiving.  We often become convinced that we are in love when we are really in lust.

Sex gets entangled with money, power, attention, entitlement, lust, and emotional release.  In the illusion, sex isn’t creative even if you do it from a chandelier.  And sadly, it’s a topic that people often don’t want to view with complete honesty.  They desperately want to label sex as “making love” when it isn’t.  Sex doesn’t make love or break love.  You either love or you don’t.

Like every other subject that I write about, there are lots of beliefs around love and sex.  Marriage makes it even more complex.  Clergy say that God joins man and wife together, but God wasn’t the creator of marriage.  Marriage has a long and very painful history.  Only recently, in the most civilized of countries, has marriage become about love and choice.  But do we even know what love is?  People constantly admit to me that they wonder if they’ve ever experienced unconditional love; it sounds nice, but what is it?  They understand romance and clearly get conditional love.  For most, the honeymoon period is far too short.  People spend their married life trying to rekindle the honeymoon without understanding why it disappeared.

Then there is the common phrase that in relationship we become one mind, one heart.  That might have worked in the days when people connected only with those of like culture or religion.  But today, you can’t combine minds.  Trying to leads to endless fighting over whose beliefs are right and whose are wrong.  Our false minds aren’t meant to be connected permanently; and our True Selves can’t be separated.  So there’s a lot of level confusion around love.

In this post, I’m going to take you deep below the surface of love and sex so you can get a glimpse of what it looks like when you let go of all of your beliefs on the subject.  I feel that many more people would let go and go for freedom if they didn’t want to hold on to what they believe is love and good sex.  They don’t realize that they’re holding on to something that isn’t that great.  It only looks great because the rest of their life sucks.  It’s my experience, that letting all that go produces much more love than you ever dreamed possible.

As you let go, love and sex do become clear; everything you thought you knew disappears.  You start to untangle love and sex from other topics.  Love becomes less physical and more mental and unconditional.  Sex doesn’t look good or bad; to me, it kind of looks like a playful activity you might want to do on occasion — kind of like playing tennis — unless you’re doing it to create a child.  It seems strange that people make such a fuss about it.  It’s beliefs that make anything good or evil and right or wrong.  Once we let those beliefs go, we’re all completely in harmony.  We no longer see two opposing sides on any subject.

The ultimate source of all beliefs is religion.  Having mentored people for a while, it’s pretty consistent that people start on the surface with random beliefs, then they find beliefs that protect the beliefs the illusion holds dear, and then they eventually wind their way down to religion, superstition and cultural beliefs at the core.  Beliefs that comes from our culture or religion are always harder to shake.  First of all, they’re collective with large numbers of believers, and most people get these beliefs early in life.   But more important, as children we don’t have mobility in the world.  The people we meet are people who usually think just like our parents.  We get the false impression that everyone thinks like us.  Love and sex are rolled into those cultural and religious beliefs.  We either want a relationship like our parents, or we want to correct the mistakes that we believe our parents made.

Eventually, we move outside of our little childhood world, and we find that other people don’t all believe what we do.  In fact, we marry one of those people.  Will our marriage be their projection or ours?  Will we follow in their family’s footsteps or ours?  Often this conundrum drives the happy couple to look for an entirely new belief system, and that just makes them even more lost and confused.  The last thing we need is more beliefs.  But if we acquired those beliefs together; it can feel unifying on the surface.  But don’t worry; those old childhood beliefs are still there for the man and the wife.  They will rise up one day like Jaws attacking an unsuspecting swimmer.  We’ll think it’s karma, fate, God’s punishment, or just plain chance.  It isn’t any of those things.

If you are reading this blog, you’ve probably taken a peek behind the wizard of the illusion’s curtain and felt the falseness of beliefs, but you also might wonder how so many people can be wrong.  Most of us have a lot of fear around being seen as a lone wolf in a world of well protected sheep.  Letting go of beliefs causes us to be different and unique.  We don’t know what that looks like.  It’s scary.  We imagine that making this scary journey with a partner who loves us will be easier or more fun; but often our partner is more afraid than we are.  Often they loved the false persona we presented at the start of our relationship.  Marriage and sex often appear to get in the way of true freedom, but it doesn’t have to be that way.


Love and Sex

At the time that I started this Gateway to Gold/No Labels No Lies project, love and sex were really in my face.  My husband was raised religious — Catholic.  He had a Jesus complex; and I could either be a virgin or a whore in his story.  Men raised on Jesus see women that way without realizing it.  The two Mary’s are the only female characters in the story that shaped their life.  And usually their mother played those two characters at different points in her life.  But resting underneath his Jesus complex was his false understanding of Eve as the cause of the fall.  Adam, of course, was innocent in my husband’s mind; but he had to pay the price for his stupid girlfriend’s curiosity.  This combination doesn’t make for a man who is balls to the wall for freedom.  It does make for a great false masculine that easily projects his unwanted beliefs on his wife and blames her for whatever goes wrong.  And that is still the common false masculine perspective.

When my husband would step into my world, life was usually pretty good.  I had a very expansive view of life with far less beliefs than he did.  I didn’t trigger his emotions because I didn’t restrict him.  That isn’t always the case with the woman.  My mother, in fact, had more beliefs than my dad.  But when I stepped into my husband’s illusion, I pretty much had to be the whore to keep from dying of boredom.  And by whore I don’t just mean the common sexual definition; I mean I was always trying to find a way to get out of his limited point of view.  I was often breaking his family’s rules for life.

To really understand what I’m saying, you must remember that the Bible is best seen at the mental level, not the physical.  Eve and the Virgin Mary were about as interesting as dry toast.  By not resisting Mary Magdalene, I came to understand her.  She wasn’t a whore; she was the fallen feminine.  She was the reflection of the false masculine who couldn’t live in the confines of the illusion and be happy.

Jesus, as the True Self, didn’t judge her because he knew she was just reflecting someone.  In fact, she was reflecting all the people who wanted to stone her.  If you live with a fallen masculine, you will be a bitch or whore when you’re reflecting them.  But religion teaches us to blame the feminine role — like they did with Eve.  So usually, the person in the feminine role begins to absorb the false masculine projection; they start doing things that they don’t want to do.  I’ll explain why below.  No wonder the people in feminine roles often feel depressed or constantly emotional.  No wonder they take drugs.  There isn’t anything wrong with the feminine ever; but in the illusion, she’s always reflecting a false masculine beliefs.  (This doesn’t mean that she can’t get free or is a helpless victim.  There is always a reason that she’s stuck in the feminine role.)

Initiation was about making the feminine virgin again.  Jesus was an initiate; he understood the roles, how to discriminate, and how to let go.  He knew judging didn’t get you anywhere.  The writers of his story clearly weren’t referring to the physical body of his mother being a virgin sexually.  They were referring to our minds becoming pure again so that we could create like God.  The initiates identified each other by saying “My mother is a virgin.”  It was like a secret handshake.  Jesus appears to have assumed the masculine role for Mary Magdalene, and as he let go, she transformed mentally from a whore into a virgin; and she was the one who could see him in his True resurrected state.  The transformation was successful.  This was a key transformation in initiation.  You had to come to let go of the false masculine so completely, that the feminine would become pure again.

Of course, legend has it that Jesus and Mary actually became a real couple (if they even existed).  Either way, they represented the inner coupling that we all desire and what we will achieve if we get free.  It was called the alchemical marriage.  It was the union of the masculine and feminine True minds to get one holy (whole) mind.  Initiation is about doing this individually regardless of our sex; it’s not about playing the roles of Mary and Jesus as a holy couple, or twin souls as people love to call it.  It’s not a physical union.  It has nothing at all to do with sex — nothing!  It is a mental union within our own self, our own masculine and feminine minds working together as one unit.

Since I was the cause of all problems in my husband’s programmed mind (his fallen Eve), my job was to relieve him of his emotions.  He had no idea that his beliefs caused his emotions.  And he didn’t make that up; he learned it in church.  I was forever explaining how I was not the cause of his problems or his emotions, but he just acted like he didn’t understand.  In his mind, standing up for my point of view was equivalent to an admission of guilt.  Or he saw me as judging him when I was just discriminating and saying his belief wasn’t the absolute truth.  Oh, he definitely wanted to stone me.

I spent years looking for someone who could explain my innocence to him; and I couldn’t find anyone.  IT was a complete waste of time.  Only learning how to let go freed me from his illusion.



Then there was sex.  Whores are supposed to love sex if you view life from the physical perspective, which was the only way my husband viewed the world.  Sex happens to be a very good way of releasing emotions.  It was my husband’s drug of choice.  If I wasn’t in the mood for sex (or love as he relabeled it), I was rejecting him.  I was unloving.  I was a bad wife.  I was never supposed to want to do anything but please him.  And it was never his fault that I didn’t want sex.

He traveled during the week.  Monday was a good day.  By Tuesday, I was wondering how I could get out of having sex with him.  By Wednesday, I would be depressed.  By Thursday, I wished I had the courage to kill myself.  It was no way to live.  But I thought there was something wrong with me.  I was supposed to love my husband, want to please him, and enjoy sex with him.  But the truth was that I didn’t, and I had no idea why.

To contribute to my pain, Dr. Phil did a program on women who don’t want sex with their husbands; and he concluded that it was entirely the woman’s problem.  I found this odd since he said in the program that their were tens of millions of women, just in America, who didn’t want sex with their husbands.  Of course, Dr. Phil’s a Christian man just like my husband.  But he claimed to be an expert because his wife was still loving him, and he had education in such things.  But let’s get real here; he also had millions of viewers to project his crap on.  He didn’t have to project it on his wife.  And his own wife admits that she never wanted anything out of life except to be a wife and mother.  We weren’t even close to the same person.  She didn’t want freedom; she wanted to be a kept woman, and she was.

Dr. Phil didn’t solve my problem; he recommended drugs, date nights, and gifts.  I had to wonder, “Were all these women fucking stupid or mentally flawed?  Or was Dr. Phil and his fellow therapists wrong?”  Dr. Phil was just one of many experts that confirmed that I was defective and a horrible wife.  During this time, it seemed that everyone I encountered strengthened the illusion that confined me.  I eventually realized that I could not find any support because I was stuck in my husband’s story; and his world view didn’t have an exit.  He didn’t believe in a free woman character in his story.  He had a virgin, a whore, and innocent Eve who made a very bad, unforgivable mistake.  I was supposed to fit into one of those roles.

But my husband was so wrong.  When Jesus let go of his normal masculine judgment, Mary was freed.  She became a virgin again — a creative virgin — not the dry toast version my husband learned from his mother.

I’ve always watched my mind; and the more I let go of his beliefs about who I should be and what I should do for him and revealed what I now call the initiate’s point of view, the more I felt like me again.  His view of love and sex was repulsive; it was normal but completely false.  I now understood why sex had come to feel so bad.  By letting go of my beliefs, I’d changed.  I no longer wanted anything from anyone that didn’t come from a place of unconditional love.  I didn’t even want him to cook me a burger if he was doing it with resentment, duty, or entitlement.  He’d been trained to see the world through a lens of dominance and submission, reward and punishment, and right and wrong.  He was a son of a false God.  And as angry as I often felt toward his point of view, I knew that he was just doing to me what had already been done to him.


The Fall

Those who impose strict Biblical rules on others are often the ones with the biggest sexual hangups.  We place in power those who have fallen the hardest, not the ones who are free.  The free ones don’t want power positions.  They don’t want to project their beliefs on others.

Preaching their own false rules makes it look like clergy, gurus, and spiritual teachers are in the right or above the rest of us.  Their words of warning and fear are projected out on to their followers as if the followers need those rules.  We presume that the person who condemns, curses, and punishes is above the law; we believe that the person who spews their rules at us never broke them.

Rape and sexual promiscuity among gurus, priests, ministers, rabbis, and even spiritual teachers is commonplace; it’s as if the two behaviors belong together like conjoined twins.   In the illusion they do.

Western religion often mixes sex into the Garden of Eden story which fuels massive confusion.  Sex they say caused us to fall.  Sex is viewed as the physical act; and when we view Bible stories or mythology from the physical perspective, we miss the point of the writer.  These stories aren’t symbolic either.  The characters represent archetypes.  What they do shows us what will happen if we think like them.  So religion tells us to think like the characters in the Bible or Koran; when in truth, we often should be letting go of their beliefs.  Moses didn’t get to the promised land.  If we think like him, we won’t either.  Religion says that if Adam and Eve had refrained from coitus, we’d all still be in the Garden of Eden.  And there isn’t a damn thing we can do about that.  Of course, if they hadn’t had sex, we wouldn’t even be here to ponder this question.

The story of Adam and Eve says nothing of sex.  Nevertheless, there’s a reason this connection was made.  The story of Adam and Eve had a purpose.  It was to create the illusion of a good and evil world, cause us to become outer-directed slaves who follow leaders; and most important, to blame the feminine for everything wrong.  For the illusion to succeed, we had to lose our ability to discriminate between True and false.  Therefore, we had to start to think that if a thought felt bad, i.e., generated emotions, it was true.  We needed to be trained to view the feminine emotions as evil, not good.  And this was more important for men than women; men had to fight in battle.  Thus men were taught to deny their feminine.  In this way, they denied their discrimination system.  Men actually feel harder than women.  If emotions still signified false, and enough people knew that, stupid beliefs would vanish very quickly.

In the fallen perspective, we perceive of ourselves as half of a whole because we view ourselves as a physical body, which is only one sex.  This is emphasized in the story as Adam and Eve when they cover their genitals.  Having just gained an outer perspective, they suddenly noticed that they were different from each other.  They are moving from a completely mental driven perspective of life to a physically driven perspective.  But this is a metaphor for what we ALL do with our minds.  We are born with a mental perspective; and as we fall into the illusion, our perspective changes to a physical perspective.  Unconditional love changes to conditional love, and sex goes right along with it.  Adam and Eve are archetypes, not physical human beings.  Like them, we cover up our unique, naked True Self perspective with our false self so we can all look alike.  Beliefs make us think alike.  That way we are easily managed and controlled.

Once our focus is outer directed and physically oriented, we look for love, wholeness, and approval outside of ourselves — from other humans.  And ideally, we think that we found love in another so we’ll stay united to them until we die.  Our chances of escape are slim at that point.  We’re incomplete looking for completion in another.  We become more concerned with our love interest’s mind than our OWN mind because we don’t want to lose their love.  We become lonely.  We feel separate from others and God.  God hasn’t gone away; we still have a True Self (our own part of God).  But it’s within; and we aren’t looking within anymore.



Orgasm provides a strong emotional release; and since life in the physically-oriented perspective is about trying to relax and eliminate our emotions, we think orgasm is as good as it gets.  Orgasm is often called a mini death by science.  In death, we let go of the false self completely; that’s why people who have had near death experiences say that what they see is all unconditional love.  They are seeing their own immortal True Self again.  They drop most of their beliefs (lies).  And holy shit, they can now see their version of true love.  Their own True Self heals them, and they are good to go again.  Now they go around telling us their story from the false self perspective, because when they popped back into that body the false self came back into command.  The near death experience is like restarting your computer; death is more like a shut down.

In orgasm, we dissipate emotions for a little while.  People who can’t let go often become addicted to sex; and this is why clergy are often sexually addicted.  Their very career is about holding on to beliefs.  When we can’t let go mentally, we’ll spend our life trying to let go physically.  Porn falls into the same category.  People like anything that they think leads to that mini death.  They’re like Pavlov’s Dogs.


We’re all born eating from the Tree of Life

Before Adam and Eve fell, they ate from the Tree of Life.  They were inner directed.  God was everywhere because he was within them.  Wherever they looked, they saw God — unconditional love.  Like Jesus says, “The Father was within.”  Then they ate that damn apple from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and they started to look outside.  God was now hiding in the bushes and disciplining them.

The apple, pictured above, has seeds that form a five-pointed star.  This star also matches the orbit of the planet Venus — the planet associated with (drum roll) love.  One point up is God, the True Self — unconditional love.  Two points up is the devil, Satan, or the false self — conditional love.  Satan, sin, and suffering all start with the letter S; that letter represents the serpent.  The “S” even looks like a snake.  This stuff isn’t even all that clever or hard to see.

The Serpent tells Adam and Eve that if they eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they will think like the Gods — the Lords and leaders who have rules, knowledge, and beliefs — the big whigs of the world.  So, we now can see the big picture if we look real close.  We ALL have one God within; we have multiple Gods without (lots of Lords or authority figures).  The confusion in modern religions is level confusion.  They take the truth of one God within and apply it to the false world that they trained us to see outside of our minds, “We have One God; and you must follow this One God.”  But there isn’t just one God outside of ourselves, we actually have multiple Gods.  Every authority is a Lord who demands our obedience to their rules and beliefs.  Our minds just record and replay what other humans have taught us.

The key to understanding the illusion and the serpent of duality is that serpents don’t lie.  They are actually very honest.  They use level confusion to trick us.  They talk about the True Self while leading you to the false self.  Therefore, the serpent says, “You won’t die if you eat that apple.”  That’s true for the True Self.  That’s not true for the illusion.  Technically, he didn’t lie because the True Self can’t die.  But he didn’t really explain the illusion either.  When you understand level confusion, you will be singing the songs of freedom much more often.

So let me vent for one second.  People often write to me and say, “Wonton Guru says the same thing as you say.”  “I listened to Oprah and she had on a beautiful woman who said the same thing you said.”  “I just read this book, and they said the same words that you said.”  But they don’t notice that these spiritual teachers are speaking true words while offering practices, affirmation, or new beliefs to fix the old ones.   They aren’t breaking down old belief systems; they’re giving people new ones.  They are using level confusion just like ye old serpent.  It’s the way of the occult.  They are shoving the truth into the illusion.  That is why people get so damned confused with the New Age.  Almost all of the teachers do that.

I struggled with how to get this information out without repeating that crucial error.  That is why I explain the illusion and tell you how to let go of it.  I don’t give you more beliefs or tell you specifically what is true for you.  I focus on what is false, what you need to let go.  What you discover when you get free is completely your own.  It will be unique, perfect, and right for you.  And I will be but a dream —  a character that came into your life for a minute and said, “Don’t go that way, go this way.”  

The words of truth do exist within the illusion as very attractive knowledge.  They are very nice words to read or hear.  If you want the truth, you can pluck the words right out of the illusion — channels do this all the time.  But hearing the truth and living from your True Self are SOOOOO different.  The truth, when it comes from outside of us is knowledge.  Knowledge won’t get you free.  When you seek knowledge, you’re eating from the wrong tree even if the words sound wonderful.  I highly urge people not to put my words in their mind as more knowledge.  I provide knowledge of how the illusion is constructed.  But it’s only to take the mystery out of the illusion so that you CAN let go.


Now, back to love

We can’t ever experience the highest potential of love outside of us until we hold unconditional love within.  Love, freedom, and God are within.  They are qualities of what I’ve labeled the True Masculine within us.  When we live from that inner place, we see love outside, but not just in one special human.  We see love everywhere.  We aren’t operating from rules, beliefs, memorized information, or knowledge; we are following a feeling that is calm and peaceful (there is a lack of emotional agitation in our body).

When we listen to human authorities and experts instead of our True Self, our life force drops because we are operating from the false self instead of the True Self.  The serpent gets tossed to the ground.  As we gather beliefs, we feel the related emotions.    Then our life becomes about getting rid of those emotions.  This is the fall.  Once we fall,  everything is hard work including the path back to freedom.  And giving birth to anything is painful because we’ve covered up our creator within.  Even the curses are metaphorical restrictions to our normal creative potential.

Fallen humans want to make babies because they want to feel creative again, but often procreation is a false desire; religion has shut off all of our other creativity.  We go with what we have left.  We don’t need as many babies as religion wants us to have; babies are just one possible creative outlet to the True Self.  They are not even a better creative outlet.

Kids discover masturbation or sex; and, they come to like the feeling of emotional release (pun intended).  But emotional release just makes the illusion comfortable; it doesn’t take up back to our creative potential.  Religion says masturbation is bad because religion is a belief system.  Remember beliefs are magnetic; they generate emotions, and emotions keep the beliefs alive.  When we witness or drain the emotions in letting go, the beliefs go easily.  We’ve taken away their food supply.  If you take away your religious beliefs, you won’t follow that religion anymore.  I guarantee it.

Since masturbation and casual sex release emotions; they are considered bad by religion.  They aren’t bad, but they won’t get you to freedom.  Neither will riding your bike or eating a plate of spaghetti.  It doesn’t mean we can’t do those things.  But if we want to get to freedom, we can’t make false self activities into the truth.  Religion wants people to only have sex for making babies.  That way, religion always wins.  It either gets a new supporter for it’s flock, or it’s members lose a way of releasing the emotions generated by the religious beliefs.

So causal sex is not bad as long as you don’t try to relabel it love.  I’m a big advocate in calling something what it really is.  That keeps everything honest.  When one person in a couple treats casual sex as love, they tend to feel hurt by the other when the relationship ends or they realize it wasn’t really love.


50 Shades of False Masculine Exposed

I recently saw the movie, “Fifty Shades of Grey.”  I didn’t read the book, so I didn’t know what to expect.  I recommend seeing the movie; it’s a phenomenal portrayal of the false masculine.  Christian Grey, the main character and false masculine extraordinaire, says his mind is singular — not whole, not one, singular.  In other words, he’s singularly focused on himself and his needs; he’ll never play the feminine role.  He’s half a man looking for his other half to complete him.  His goal is to control his feminine so that he will never have to feel an emotion again.  He cleverly crafts his relationship in order to make that possible.

Christian Grey doesn’t love, he fucks.  He sees the world through the eyes of a dominant male who must have one or more submissive feminines to thrive.  He rules his world based on reward and punishment.  He’s got lots of rules.  He’s the perfect portrayal of the Old Testament God in human form; that’s the archetype of the false masculine.  And we all have Christian Grey within us until we take him out.

But surprisingly, I actually found Christian Grey to be tolerable; he was very transparent and oddly congruent.  He wasn’t lying when he said he was singular.  It was his way or the highway.  He clearly explained his demands and regularly allowed his submissive girlfriend, Anastasia, to choose to take the highway.  He played a game, but he put all of his cards on the table.  Christian Grey isn’t really the enemy because he provides choice.

Mythology tells us that we didn’t chose to fall; we fell because we were misled — tricked.  And once we’d been tricked into accepting the illusion, men like Christian Grey look attractive and powerful.  We let them seduce us in the boardroom and the bedroom.  Seduction always starts with a positive offer; and we deny what we see when things turn wrong because we hope that the rewards will return.  But ultimately, they don’t.

Christian Grey knows he’s flawed; and he even admits it to Anastasia.  He’s physically abusive and even tells Anastasia what he’s going to do before he does it; and he again gives her a chance to walk away.  The fact that Anastasia found it hard to walk away is another subject.  Like many people, she confused the magnetism that she felt with love; this is a common misconception.  Excitement and romance are emotions and magnetic in nature.  They indicate the connection we feel is a false self connection.  When we feel those emotions, we are fulfilling the desires of our false self, not our True Self.  We’re finding someone who can be our other half.

Christian Grey offers Anastasia many chances to say “No.”  But  Catholic Priests or powerful salesmen who massage the deal to look good  don’t give us the option to say “No.”  They turn “No” into a sinful word and guilt us for saying it.  If you say “No,” you don’t trust or believe them.  You’ll hurt their feelings.  And that’s a lie.  Saying “No” generates emotions in them because they believe they are losing, and losing is what generates emotions in those with a win-lose mentality.  Once again, we see this in Christian Grey.  Once the contract is signed, no is no longer acceptable in his mind.

Then there is the issue of BDSM.  I don’t advocate BDSM if someone wants freedom.  The very definition screams illusion — bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism.  If we want bondage and submission in our life then we’re solidifying that thought form.  We have no right to cry victim when someone comes along and puts us in their prison when we did nothing wrong.  That’s what we’ve been creating in our sexual playtime.

People who have lost their creativity tend to think things like BDSM are creative.  That’s not real creativity.  It’s not an original idea.  It is a very old idea.  BDSM players are trying to change the illusion.  They’re trying to make something that was a huge historical negative into something fun, positive, and cool.  But changing the illusion doesn’t work.  We have to eliminate the illusion.

Professional BDSM women say that most of their clientele are powerful men who want to play the submissive role.  These men feel balanced when they take a break from dominating others.  But it’s a false sense of balance; and they don’t feel what it really feels like to be dominated because they have a safe word that will stop the madness if things get too unbearable.  Their beatings and abuse are choreographed.

While someone in America might see bondage as playful (the up side of it), someone in the Middle East might be blindfolded and tortured in the same way (they only see pain).  They don’t have a safe word.  They aren’t having fun.  When we remember our inner compassion for others, we just can’t participate in such play. The very notion of dominance and submission is false and harmful.  We don’t want to feed that thought form.

Religious people have been shouting that “Fifty Shades” is rape.  It’s not rape by their definition of rape.  The couple did nothing that wasn’t consensual.  That’s why I could watch it as a fictional story.  Oddly, the religious call that rape, but they turn a blind eye on their own clergy and fellow religious people who do force someone to have sex without consent.  That’s part of religions programming.  Ignore reality, but treat fiction as the truth.

Rape happens in any context when one person forces another into doing something their True Self would not normally do.  We use the term widely, such as “I was raped by that car dealer.”  But Christian Grey wasn’t raping Anastasia, she’d already been raped.  She had the beliefs in place that caused her to submit to him before she entered his office.  Since she’d already been raped, she consented to his propositions.

This movie is a modern remake of the Greek rape story of Persephone.  Persephone is an innocent young woman.  While picking flowers one day, she is captured or raped by Hades, the God of the Underworld (false masculine).  Long story short, various things happen; eventually Persephone is rescued.  However, she’s never completely free.  She will always spend half of her time (or some versions say a third of her time) in the domain of Hades.

Christian Grey put images, beliefs, memories, and knowledge in Anastasia’s mind.  She will never be the same again unless she learns how to free her mind.  He will sit in her memory and impact her future.  She’s no longer virgin regarding the topics of love and sex.

The Greek story of Persephone relates to our mental fall.  The characters are archetypes, not real people, just like we discussed with Adam and Eve.  Once we enter the illusion, our mind is split.  Without initiation, we can’t let go of the false self.  We can’t get back to the True Self.  Christian Grey took advantage of this Persephone character who had already been raped mentally.  She was only physically a virgin.  Otherwise, she would not have fallen in his world.

Some condemn the movie by saying it’s portrayed as a love story.  No it isn’t.  Christian Grey says he doesn’t make love; he fucks.  He’s in lust, not love.  Again he’s honest.  Most people pretend that heavy breathing, steamy passion, and excitement is love; and that’s not love, that’s lust.  Again, I’m not judging lust, but to get free we have to call everything what it is.  Making lemonade out of lemons is an illusory trap.

Christian Grey shows us the construct of the illusion in one character; and that’s why he’s worthy of two hours of our time.  He sees the world in black and white; however, he describes himself as singular because he sticks to one side — the dominant, masculine side.  He requires submission if you want to be in his life.  He feels no emotion; he projects that out on to those who submit to him.  He has rules — lots of them.  He rewards when his rules are followed and punishes if he isn’t obeyed.   But underneath all of that is lots of fear.  He fears being exposed because he knows he’s false.  He fears rejection.  He’s really a fragile ego with a great mask.  When he is exposed, he gets really angry.  He isn’t safe to be around.

Spoiler alert:  What I love about Anastasia is that she does eventually see through him.  She was trained to fall for him as most of us women are.  She tried like hell to project her True Masculine on to him and change him.  She does love her idealized version of him; and she does make a dent in his cast iron persona.   He admits that.  But he’s not up for being exposed and freed.  When she realizes that he isn’t going to drop his act, and she sees the extent of his false masculine persona, she does leave.  She doesn’t make the mistake that so many make of trying to fix him for the rest of her life.


Sun, Moon, and Earth

To unravel this complex issue in our minds, we must understand true love.  When love is true, sex becomes a holy act.  But so does eating, playing a sport, or doing art.  What makes something holy is that we are whole when we do it.  We aren’t feeling any emotional agitation because we aren’t split into the dual perspective in that moment.

Love for the True Self is unconditional.  Remember, the True masculine role is like the metaphorical sun.  It shines all the time, giving it’s light and warmth to everyone equally and unconditionally.  The sun became the symbol for the TRUE masculine role. Originally, leaders were said to be like the Sun; initiates were portrayed the as like the sun.  That’s why Jesus was often painted with a halo around his head.  It was a way of saying that this person reached the highest potential in life — the ability to unconditionally love — he was a SUN GOD or SON of GOD.  But contrary to Christianity’s point of view, Jesus had to work to get there.  He was born a man.  Initiation is about walking the same path that he did, and crucifying your own false self so that you can be born again.  It isn’t about getting saved and asking Jesus to help you make your next car payment.  It was said that initiates entered the schools of initiation as mortal men; they exited as Gods.

Ideally, the feminine role reflects the love of the sun like the moon or absorbs that love like the earth.  The difference is that reflecting doesn’t produce an offspring; only absorbing does.  So being a moon Goddess can get a bit dull.  It’s like being a Christmas Tree ornament.  We all want to be an earth Goddess.  Together the sun and earth create; and that’s the purpose of our life.  If we are a couple, one plays the Sun and the other plays the earth.  The sexual organs cause us to associate the masculine role with the man (projecting) and the feminine role (receiving) with the woman.  But if the couple is not heterosexual; the roles still hold.

Now let me remind you that in the physical reality, we play out what we hold in mind.  Thus, ideally a True Masculine would meet a True Feminine and a Holy Child would be born along with many other holy creations.  But when we fall into the physically directed illusion, and forget about the mental perspective, we treat the sexes as distinct people.  We identify with our bodies, not our minds.  We try to unite our bodies sexually, or we try to unite our minds by matching our beliefs.  Neither is what we are truly after.  We want to both let go of our beliefs so we find the place where we are now and forever united — our True Selves.  That’s the union we seek.  I can only say that I experienced that union once in my life for a very short time; and after that sex looked so dull I couldn’t imagine why people chased after it.

If we want a perfect relationship, we would be wise to perfect our mind before we go looking for a partner.  Jesus said it this way, “Find ye first the kingdom of heaven and all else will be added unto you.”  But who does that?  No one, because when you find heaven within, you feel complete in and of yourself.  You don’t spend much time looking for the “One.”  You love everyone.  And it would be amazing to have the level of connection I had that one time with everyone.

If we all realized this, all of the issues about sexual orientation would disappear.  We would all be male and female inside; and what we are outside or who we love would not make a damn bit of difference.  But since people are stuck in the physical perspective, sexuality and sexual orientation are big fucking deals.



So for most of us what starts out as love eventually becomes rape.  What you say?  Cathy, that is too strong of a word.  Love becomes a little strained, but it doesn’t become rape.  Oh yes it does.  At the mental level, when we stop loving unconditionally, we become rapists like Hades.  This is what I felt with my husband.  Once he was judging me more than loving me, sex felt like rape.  And no one is interested in rape.

So do you see why clergy are so prone to rape?  That is what they actually do for a living.  They tell people that you must think like me, not like you.  They are raping our minds.  Everything starts in our minds.  When a young boy is raped by religion, you can’t expect him to grow up and love unconditionally.  And this is why I work to free the false masculine in people.  I don’t judge it.  Even the worst killer didn’t start out that way.  He was raped.  But understanding this motivates me; it keeps me letting go of more and more each day.

Now let’s get a little Christian Grey for a second; and you’ll see why I do like his character.  If your clergy was Christian (in the sense of Christian Grey — hilarious she chose that name), they would give you a contract when you joined the church.  It would have a bunch of rules on it.  “You will do everything I say.  You are my possession.  If you break my rules, you will be punished.  If you follow them, I’ll reward you.  I can change the rules at anytime.  I will play with your mind; and you will become what I say you will become.  Much of the time, you’ll be blindfolded.  You won’t know what is about to come into your life.  I’m not going to get to know you or understand you.  I want to keep this business like.  You belong to me.”  Of course, you would NEVER sign that, but look at how much more honest and kind Christian Grey is than the average clergy.  “I will give you two safe words.  Let me know if things are starting to bother you, and I’ll quit. You have the right to walk away from me anytime.  I know I’m fifty shades of fucked up.”  

Do you get the false masculine now?  If Christian Grey wasn’t rich and handsome, we’d probably put him in jail.  We’d call what he did torture and rape.  But no one would ever think of putting clergy in jail, and they rape people mentally every day — physically they actually rape far less often.  Parents rape their kids; teachers rape their students.  Everyone is raping everyone!

As creators, we do and experience what we hold in mind.  It takes enormous constraint to fight the current of a false masculine authority once we’ve been mentally raped.  Think of a woman walking down a dark alley.  A man approaches, and he wants to rape her.  She feels pulled into his world; she feels powerless to live her desire.  He can pull her into his world because she has beliefs that have already stripped her power away.  If her mind had not been raped, bodily rape would not be possible.

If you want to escape the illusion yourself, you have to develop compassion and really try to never rape another again by imposing beliefs on them.  It’s important to carry this to the extreme so that your mind gets that you mean business.  If two friends are eating lunch and one demands that the other doesn’t eat their cookie because they believe the cookie is harmful, rape has occurred.  The controlling friend has limited the experience of the other with her belief.  That’s not tough love or teaching her about nutrition.  That’s mental rape.  People tend to talk much less as they move down the path to initiation.  That’s why.


Roles Cause the Problem

It all gets back to roles.  The idea of false roles was invented a long time ago.  We’re all born exactly like Jesus, and we see that if we hold the mental perspective.  We are human beings with a pure mind at birth.  Our father isn’t that physical guy that donated the sperm — sorry guys.  It’s the True Masculine or God within.  Our mother is the pure earthly or physical wisdom and creativity.  These two aspects of ourselves combine and create our True Self (God or Christ) within.  That’s the union we are trying to experience again.  Every single person on this planet is born with a True Self within.  It soon starts to get covered up with beliefs.  Then we fall.  Then we feel emotions.  Then we go looking outside for what only exists inside.

If a man unconditionally loves a woman (or anyone who in a masculine role loves unconditional its feminine), she will reflect that love back.  And if he judges her or blames her, she will reflect that back.  If a man feels like a victim to the woman in his life, he’s judging her or fearing her.  He needs to let go of his thoughts and beliefs about her.  He has to turn the whore back into a virgin again.  He can’t and won’t do that unless he realizes that he was the one that turned her into a whore.  The masculine role has the responsibility for the fall, not the feminine role.  The reason is that eating the apple didn’t cause the fall.  That’s a trick.  The fall actually occurred the moment that Adam felt shame.  The emotion he felt was caused by his own false thinking, his own judgment thoughts about what they did; but he blamed it on Eve.   At this point he feared God; and the false God now dominated his mind.  When the masculine role blames the feminine, he keeps himself from ever eating from the Tree of life again.  He can’t let go because he can’t see the cause.  He looks everywhere but in his own damn mind.

The social and religious belief systems have tried to make us think that love is suffering together in a similar illusion.  The marriage vows state that we’ll be sick and healthy, rich and poor; and we don’t get to escape except by death.  I’m sure that divorce has allowed the human life span to elongate.  Forget the diseases, the leading cause of death is the inability to live your life and fulfill your dreams.  If we mate with someone who has a more limited view than we do and won’t let them go, we’ll desire death.  It’s the only exit from any illusion until you discover what I share on this site and No Labels, No Lies.  You can let the illusion go; it isn’t real.  And if our partner wants their illusion, we must let them go to get free.  It’s okay.  We won’t go to hell for it.  Marriage wasn’t made in heaven.  Unconditional love was made in heaven.

In the illusion, if one partner let’s go, the other often tries to restore the equilibrium.  That was my problem; and I didn’t understand what was happening to me.  My desire for freedom caused me to see things from the mental, rather than the physical, perspective.  Of course I tried to explain this to my husband, but it’s hard to explain the mental perspective to someone who has been highly programmed into the physical perspective.  We can understand the physical perspective from the mental perspective.  However, we can’t understand the mental perspective from the physical perspective; it often looks evil.  It doesn’t obey the false masculine.

Ideally, both people in a relationship want freedom.  Both people use the relationship as a mirror into their minds, and both people let go.  If that happens, that couple will find true love.  Their outer love will mirror their inner love.  And then you see that there’s no right or wrong about what constitutes love.  One partner, ten partners, gay, or straight are really just different ways of relating.  Stay together, leave, meeting up on weekends doesn’t matter either.  Relationship is just another form of creating — it can take any form you want it to as long as it is mutually beneficial and consensual — win-win for everyone.

We can’t fix the illusion.  It’s not real.  Why fix something fake?  Illusory love is fake love.  But we can let go, and when we do, we find the happily ever after that we thought was only possible for Cinderella and Prince Charming (charm is a dead give away for illusion).  We first find it inside; and then our physical reality mirrors that inner world.  If we desire to have it on the outside, we will.  It will be a partnership of equals — true co-creation.



Cathy Eck is a true pioneer always pushing the boundaries of thought and beliefs. Cathy is courageous about exposing the status quo. While her ideas might not be popular, they are effective, practical, and true. They create unity where division once existed. They create love where hate had reigned. They create joy where pain and sorrow were once normal. They are ideas worth considering and hopefully embracing.

This Post Has 12 Comments

  1. Niks

    Hi Cathy,

    Thank you for answering my questions and for sharing everything.


    1. Cathy

      Your welcome Niks.

  2. Niks

    Hey Cathy,

    With regards to projections and understanding roles in the illusion, you have talked about the cause of the situation/experience always being in our own mind and I am wondering if that is so then how do we really identify whether we are the ones projecting or being projected on?

    I keep reading but as you’ve pointed out, I don’t want to memorise this information to the point of enlarging the fake persona that exhausts me.

    Thanks for your help, always.


    1. Cathy

      Well that is a very difficult thing to describe but if you really watch your mind, you start to get a sense of it. They key is really knowing your mind well so you can see when you accept thoughts that are not yours. But this takes awhile because when we start this, we have lots of other people’s thoughts in our minds. When we are projecting, we are in judgment. We are looking at others and their thinking or behavior really bothers us. We feel emotions when we think about them. Those emotions are saying that our thoughts are false. It is odd because if we let go of what we see in them, then their behavior won’t bother us. They are kind of just screwing themselves. It’s tricky for me to write about that stuff on this site because I have to address the illusion from how it is generally seen and address issues that tend to bother many so they can see how to get out. But after you let go of the beliefs you see in the others, you don’t really care much what they do. It’s their illusion.

      On the other hand, when someone is projecting on you, you kind of feel it coming at you. You hear their words in your mind as if they are saying them. You feel as if you can’t escape their judgment, like they have the upper hand on you. You feel you must conform to their authoritative ideas and thoughts. You feel like you are stuck in their world and their words feel horrible, but they seem to be right or seem to be able to use those words to get what they want. This would be easy if we all didn’t share so many collective lies. But we do. So it just takes a lot of practice.

      The best thing to get started with this is my article on Western meditation on this site. It gets you used to observing your mind and letting go. Then you’ll start to notice the belief/emotion connection. But don’t despair, even seasoned people get tricked with this stuff. The world is really backwards on many subjects. Love, cAthy

  3. Niks

    Thank you for your response. It has helped so far.

    At what point did you realise that you were no longer thinking from your false self and that the words that came were true and not a deception?


    1. Cathy

      Hi Niks,
      I’ll actually explain that in the last post on this site which I’m putting up in the next couple of days. But it is a process. You just have to catch your mind in the act of believing what others say or what your own mind says when there is emotion there. That is really all this is about, and it ultimately fixes everything. But it is like we are undoing our mind a thought at at time and so it takes time. It is like working on a really big puzzle. Some things go quick and other things are sticky and take lots of persistence. Love, Cathy

  4. Niks

    Hi Cathy,

    Did you ever feel like your emotions were constantly emoting? My heart beats fast more than ever and even faster when I read your blogs. It’s as if I can’t catch what my mind is thinking though I know this isn’t true either. If I were to choose a label it would be overwhelmed, like I’m holding on to the drama instead of letting go.

    My comment reminds me of your computer solving business post where the people who called you knew the problem.

    I appreciate your time in reading this.

    1. Cathy

      Hi Niks,
      Yes for sure I’ve felt that way. The way out of it is to witness the emotions gently. You have to watch them like you are standing on the edge of them. Then listen. Whatever thoughts arise are false although they are often statements of our reality. We have to realize that our reality was created by our beliefs. It’s not true. That will give you some breathing room. All drama is in the illusion. It’s false but looks very real. Hope that helps, Cathy

  5. karen

    Oh, I thought you were talking about your husband when you wrote that. I couldn’t figure out what mistake you had made.

    1. Cathy

      Well that’s pretty funny because I bet he could tell you lots of mistakes that I made! But I was referring to Eve. She didn’t have a good label. Cathy

  6. karen

    He had a virgin, a whore, and an innocent chick who made a very bad, unforgivable mistake.

    What was the mistake?

    1. Cathy

      Eve eating the apple out of innocence or we could say curiosity!

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