The End of the Victimhood Advantage

The butterfly cocoon is the womb of transformation
When we feel stuck in victimhood, it’s time to go inside, into our cocoons, so that we can melt and be reborn as a beautiful butterfly

By Cathy Eck


Victimhood and Poor Me

Nearly every day someone says to me, “I’m sick of listening to victims whine.”  Aren’t we all?  The idea of taking responsibility for our lives has finally come of age, and those who pretend that they’re always innocent victims just rub us the wrong way.  If we turn away from them, we often feel guilty.  And sometimes, we should not turn away because the victim is truly crying for help.  We just don’t know what to do around the subject of victimhood anymore.  Let me see if I can clear up this confusion.

The New Age book, “The Celestine Prophecy” called victimhood the “Poor Me” control drama.  The key word is “control.”  Victimhood used to be a clear cut thing.  Victims got caught in a bad situation.  They didn’t want the situation, and they didn’t want to perpetuate the emotional pain; they wanted to let go of that victimhood DRAMA and move on.  Forgiving the perpetrator was normally the way that was done.  But people have moved away from religion for good reasons.  So we’re now left with stagnation.  Becoming a victim often means staying a victim.

In recent times, victimhood has become a sort of badge of honor.  People want to talk about their victimhood drama.  People think that the bigger the victim story, the more power they have.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  That thinking doesn’t make any sense at all.  Victimhood having power is incongruent thinking; it leads to massive confusion.

Some people want to elevate victims to give them power that they clearly have not earned.  That’s a recipe for disaster.  Putting victims in power in a household or a nation is never going to end well.  Victimhood originates from a state of mind that’s not conducive to good leadership. This type of victimhood has become a serious power game; and sadly, it’s a game that works because it plays on people’s guilt and their innate desire to be good.

Victims often want us to feel guilty and responsible for their emotions.  But emotions are the result of our OWN thinking.  Even when we believe another and feel emotion, we only feel that emotion because we believed the other person.  What they said should be irrelevant for us.  We should be able to discriminate between true and false.  But we weren’t trained to discriminate; we were trained to believe authority unconditionally.  So we end up with a mind full of beliefs that are false.


How Did We Get In This Mess?

If you aren’t familiar with the triangle process, you might want to review it here.  Essentially, if we always acted from our True Self, we’d live life from the top of the triangle.  Opposites (duality) would still exist, but in a subservient position to our always win-win, always unconditionally loving and good, True Self.  But that isn’t how it looks when the victimhood advantage kicks in.

I’ve shown the victimhood advantage triangle on the left.  The victim reigns supreme at the top of the triangle because we believe that the victim is all good and the perpetrator is all bad.  We’re taught to think in that FALSE way.  The perpetrator is obviously at the bottom of the triangle, but so is the True Self in this configuration.  Now the True Self has to submit to the victim.  How can that possibly end well?  We’ve given the victim the leadership role.  It’s ridiculous, but it happens all the time.  You can’t build someone up by improving their role or their beliefs; letting go and removing the beliefs that caused their victimhood is the only true solution.

When we have a false person in authority, and a victim is always false, the True Self cannot express its originality and creativity.  So the True Self stagnates under victim-minded leadership.  Often this leads the person to feel that if they can’t beat the authorities, they will join them.

The victim triangle that I’m describing is a common reality in the outer world, but we experience it in the outer world because so many have this triangle as part of their inner world.  Our inner world is what’s creating our outer world even when we don’t realize that’s happening.


An Old Story

The very notion of victimhood comes from a collective belief in a false dual world where there are victims and perpetrators, victims and heroes, good and evil, right and wrong, etc.  That’s supposed to be the land of story…Hollywood or comic book plots.  But sadly, such polar opposites have also become our reality…normal, in fact.  That started when people made the story of Adam and Eve, and other fall stories, into the truth.  So this isn’t something new.  The Adam and Eve story was never the truth; it was a metaphor for how we fell mentally (not physically) as human beings.  In theory, if we know how we fell, then we know how to return to Eden.  This was the very essence of initiation…reversing the fall.  But people took the story literally; they made it the truth.  Now we all live in a fallen collective illusion.  We can’t see how to escape because we can’t see that the illusion is false…a man-made story.

Over time, the story got much worse.  Today we live in a world where fallen people believe they’re free thinkers.  That’s about as far as you can fall.  This modern fall happened because a group of elite globalists, who go by many names (occult, illuminati, Zionists, Jesuits, New Age/spiritual, deep state, mafia, Satanists, Luciferians, etc.) decided that they wanted to rule the world.  Their goal was a New World Order where the whole world would have one religion and one communist government.  The elite would have it all, and the rest of us would be their slaves.  I suspect many of you have heard of this, but it was labeled as a conspiracy theory; it’s not conspiracy.  It’s also not true; it’s a false utopian vision created by real live elite members of society around a very selfish false desire.  It’s what they want; they just don’t want us to know that they want that because we wouldn’t go along with the plan.  We wouldn’t vote for them or pay them our taxes.  We might even kill them or put them in jail.  When you have a false desire, you have to trick people to give it to you.

These controlling elite thought it would be best if we all thought the same and behaved the same. Thinking alike obviously makes us easier to control, which makes their false desire possible.  So they started to infiltrate our thinking with their idea of what was right and good.  Their right and good was always what worked for them.  They would define right and good, then we’d all police each other.  They’d just sit back and watch the madness as they counted their money.  Political correctness is one of their social inventions; so is the notion of the social justice warrior.  Feminism and gender issues are also a product of their madness.  All of these beliefs take people away from their natural way of thinking…their True Self.

One of their greatest ideas was to elevate victims.  There’s good reason for that.  Victims are already mentally powerless.  If you put the victim in power, you can just watch from the sidelines as a society, nation, or group of people destroy themselves.  When we submit to a victim, or elevate them in status, we accept their thinking.  Now we slowly become victims ourselves without realizing it.  We get blindsided.  We think that others are creating our reality.  But they aren’t.  We just submitted to a victim.  We accepted their way of thinking as true and real.  We screwed ourselves without realizing it.

People like Oprah really popularized this.  She often showcased victims on her show.  Often her guest had something horrible happen to them.  They became a champion for that particular problem.  That’s not the way we get to freedom.  Nor does it ever fix the problem.  It’s a way of creating a fake purpose whereby that person will now project their beliefs and problems out into the world.  They spread the common belief that if it happened to them, it could happen to us or the people we love.  In short, such charities and causes make the problem worse; but people don’t notice.  They believe the champions of such causes are good and helpful because they’re told to believe that they’re good and helpful.  Oprah’s guest has made their victimhood into an advantage…a purpose.

In truth, their victimhood was a push to let go.  If they had been letting go, they never would have become a victim.  Instead of pushing victims to discriminate and let go, normal fallen people make them special and entitled.  This is all part of a game to make us all passive and weak.  When victimhood becomes the desired state for the majority; the elite have won.  They know that.  Consequently, the progressive movement (the brainchild of these controlling elite) is training people to think in this way…the movement isn’t progressive at all.  Likewise, the New Age isn’t new; it’s dominated by old matriarchal ways of thinking that didn’t work the first time.  That’s why the patriarchy became popular.  It was an attempt to fix the failed matriarchy.  Now the matriarchy is trying to fix the failed patriarchy.  Only true leadership works, and that’s why I have a whole program devoted to creating such leaders.


The Race Card

Here’s a video by Candace Owens.  She’s obviously a champion for the destruction of the black victimhood advantage.  She’s clearly seeing the problem.  There are other popular cards besides the race card.  There’s the gay card, the Muslim card, the Jewish card, the woman card, etc.  You know them all; the list is growing every day.  Progressive politicians tell us that everyone is oppressed by the white man.  But in my experience, the reason the white man was more likely to succeed in the past was that they focused on what they wanted to do or create in their life.  They were building businesses or pioneering to find gold.  They put their North Star on freedom and creation.  They often ran into big problems along the way because they were fighting against their old religious and political views.  They thought that running away from what they disliked was the answer, and it never is.  We always take ourselves with us.

We can’t get back to the top of the triangle True Self unless we let go.  There’s no other way.  Religion, and even psychology, has long believed that you can’t let go.  They make it more difficult than it needs to be.




Envy is a big issue today.  Progressive politics breeds envy because it moves people toward socialism and communism.  When we work hard or have a genius idea, we want to be rewarded for our efforts.  When we create a beautiful piece of art, we want to be able to do well financially by selling that art.  Capitalism is a game.  It works unless we making hoarding money our North Star.  Capitalism is very fair unless our creativity has been stripped away by covering it with false beliefs.  Then we will become envious of those who are creative and getting rewarded for that creativity.  We’ll hate capitalism.

When people live at the triangle bottom, they tend to become envious of anyone who’s moving toward the top naturally.  This is strange because envious people will often not be envious of people who cheat their way to the top.  This tells us that these envious people actually want to be themselves.  They don’t want the stuff, money, or power of others.  They envy the calmness and ease of the person who lives largely from their True Self.  Those who are creative and living closer to the top of the triangle often can’t explain why their life is easier.  It just is.  I had to fall into the illusion to explain it all; once in the illusion, I was like others.  I couldn’t find my way out.  Fortunately, I did find initiation; that’s why I share it today.

Win-lose is the mindset of the wealthy elite.  The majority of them cheated their way to the top by manipulating minds with technology, investment banking, or fake science.  They didn’t produce something real like clothing, food, art, a form of entertainment, or a building.  Now they don’t want to be exposed as frauds; or they will lose everything. But I have news for them.  They’re being exposed right now.


When the Victim is a Perpetrator

When you try to stop another from succeeding, you ultimately stop yourself.  You’re a perpetrator, even if you sound like a victim.  The victimhood advantage became popular with the Jews.  After World War II, it became commonplace to make people feel guilty if they didn’t agree with Jews or like them (labeled anti-semitism).  It’s logical that we would all help the Jews to rebuild after the war, and we should like them equally with every other fellow human being.  Our True Self would do that naturally.  But if a Jew takes advantage of us, or does something harmful to others, they don’t deserve to get a free pass because they were victimized in the past.  This is where things got crazy.  The victimhood advantage resulted in many free passes for Jews; thus most of the controlling elite identify with the Jewish religion even if they aren’t real Jews.  If you research the history of Zionism and the Khazarian Mafia, you’ll come to understand this.  These elite Jews have made it bad for all Jews.

The victimhood advantage wasn’t invented in order to help the average working Jew; they got no help at all.  The victimhood advantage was designed to look like it was helping the average Jew while actually building the wealth and power of the controlling elite.  The same thing has now happened with the blacks.  Making black people into a victim group hasn’t helped those who are trapped in the inner cities at all; it has helped the elite blacks in sports, Hollywood, and other positions of power.  Those blacks just got very rich.

No one challenges this way of thinking because they’re afraid of getting the label of anti-Semitic or racist (or bigot, sexist, homophobic, Islamophobic, etc.).  They don’t want to be judged.  So the trick works every time; and the elite just keep playing it and playing it.  Ka-ching!  Ka-ching!  Ka-ching!  Now they’ve trained the liberal party in America to do all their dirty work; their hands stay clean.  It’s a very bad trick, and we must stop supporting their tricks if we want to bring peace and freedom to the world.  We must deal with people independently based on their words and actions (which should be congruent).  We should never deal with people as groups.

We should never want to be a victim, nor should we want to oppressed.  When we perpetuate a belief system by making it good or right, we’re on one side of the triangle bottom.  We now will meet our opposite who we view as bad or wrong.  It’s how stories work, and stories are the backbone of the illusion.

When we eliminate the victim-dominated triangle, everyone gets exactly what they deserve.  We’re no longer stuck in a win-lose game.  We’re in a win-win game.   That’s true equality.  Giving everyone an equal reward for participating in life, or giving awards to people who cry victim the loudest, doesn’t lead to a free society.  It’s a huge trap that many people have sadly fallen for.


Why Be A Victim?

Why do people want to be victims?  They think it works as a tactic to get what they want.  They don’t see that they’re falling for a big-ass trap.  They think they gain power because they get attention, avoid judgment, or reap some trivial benefits; but they give up far more than they get.  They give up the joy and freedom of being their True Self.  No True Self is ever a victim.

Too often people get addicted to drama.  They think that gets them attention.  They love telling their dramatic victim stories over and over gain.  They enjoy making someone else into the perpetrator.  It makes them feel good about themselves.  But they don’t realize that they’re giving their power to that perpetrator as long as they tell that victim story.  They’re making sure that problem will happen again.

Today, we’re watching Hollywood stars, who had it made, bring themselves down by playing the victim card.  The comedians aren’t funny anymore; they just whine about the President.  The people who legitimately win awards for their natural talent whine about the President when they get their award instead of being appreciative for their fans and support teams.  People have become very confused; and the victimhood advantage is a big part of that confusion.  It’s promoted as good and compassionate by people who want to control every one of us.

We even have people making up fake victim stories to get what they want from others or the government.  Heck even on talent shows, everyone has a damn victim story.  Often they get more votes if their story is really filled with loads of victimhood.  That’s backwards.  How can you be free if you think that victimhood is an asset or makes you into a good person?  Do you deserve to be rewarded for being a victim?  No, you don’t.  You’re responsible for your victimhood.  And that’s the key.  We falsely believe that victims are innocent.  When you let go, you see clearly that the victim is simply the polar opposite of the perpetrator.  In fact, at the mental level, you often can see that the victim caused the whole situation.

This weird and very disempowering way of thinking has gone viral; if we don’t stop it, the elite globalists will end up with all the power and money.  We start by cleaning up the triangle bottom.  Both victim and perpetrator, oppressor and oppressed, are false. We have to let both sides go.  At the triangle bottom, we’re very stuck in the physical (illusory) perspective.  I don’t care how long you’ve meditated or how spiritual you think you are.  If you still feel like a victim, you’re deceiving yourself.

I get emails all the time from people who say they’ve been on a spiritual journey for decades; they can’t figure out why they still have so many problems.  They’ve been duped; they believe in the victimhood advantage.  They’ve been filling their mind with false beliefs from teachers and gurus who claimed to know what it means to be spiritual.  Now they’re stuck with those false beliefs, which were probably labeled the truth; they feel like a victim because their life isn’t working out.  They’re a victim of that spiritual teacher/guru, but they think they’re a victim of other people.  So they don’t let those spiritual beliefs go; and that’s what’s causing their problems.  But they don’t want to hear that.

Let me be clear.  If you like your beliefs, you can keep your beliefs.  But you will have challenges if you hold on to any second-cause beliefs.  Second-cause beliefs are beliefs like good and evil, right and wrong, victim and perpetrator, oppressed and oppressor, pretty and ugly.  The two opposites are not equal; judgment is involved.  Generally one of the opposites is desirable and the other is avoided.  Both are false.  When you let go of both sides, you get to the real truth with no opposition.


Roles are Key

Explaining roles is beyond the scope of this article.  I have free links to articles explaining physical roles in the text below.  Mental roles are a big focus of the Gold Circle program.  If you keep letting go as I explain in No Labels No Lies, however, you’ll eventually come to see mental roles for yourself.  I developed the Gold Circle program to speed things up and to expose common beliefs and stories as false.  It took me decades to learn how much I really could let go.  I often stopped far short of my potential.  The biggest problem I see in everyone that I’ve ever mentored is they stop short; they don’t go deep enough.  Often the very thing they needed to let go was staring them in the face, but it looked so normal that they didn’t think to challenge the belief.  So I challenge every belief in my programs…beliefs that you definitely believed to be true.  In time, the victimhood advantage does become quite silly.

When we’re playing a physical feminine role, such as student, wife, disciple, employee, or child, and we get walked on or chewed up, we have experienced what appears to be victimhood in that moment.  We believe that another did something to us.  We totally discount what we believed; that’s what got us into that situation.  In truth, it ALWAYS takes two to tango.  We could not be there, in that situation, if we didn’t accept some illusory perspective as real and true.  We’re holding on to beliefs that have dropped us out of our True Self and into the triangle bottom.  People tell their stories in a way that always downplays the mental cause.  In the Gold Circle, we practice going back to the causal belief over and over again until it becomes our normal way of interpreting life.  We’re so trained to ignore the mental cause.

Nothing bad happens to us without us first accepting a belief that such a thing can happen.  So we end up in victim situations…everyone does.  Hopefully, we learn from our errors.  This is good news because it means that we have the power to get completely free of victimhood if we can let go.  But it gets real messy if we’re holding the belief in mind that we’re a victim, and we deserve an advantage for our victimhood.  This is why anti-semitism is a problem.  Jews in general live better than most of the rest of the world.  So now they need to take the slings and arrows like the rest of us.  They aren’t victims anymore.  They aren’t oppressed anymore.  In fact, they’re often the perpetrators and the oppressors.  Just look at Hollywood, media, or Wall Street.  They commit crimes, and we don’t call them out because we don’t want to be labeled anti-semitic.

Our reality comes from whatever we hold in mind as TRUE.  The person who holds pure victimhood in mind will be very stuck.  But the person who holds the victimhood advantage in mind feels superior; they don’t actually feel like a victim.  So people get out of the way and let them have what they want.  This is why you hear those movie and rap stars tell their rags-to-riches stories over and over again.  They’re doing that to get the victimhood advantage.  Now we won’t judge them for having more than they’ve really earned or deserve.  We think that they’re getting reparations for their tough past.  That’s the reason they do it.

When we’re stuck at the triangle bottom, we try to get away from victimhood by flipping to the other side.  Candace Owens, featured above in the video, has made this error.  She’s now telling black people to be victors, not victims.  While that sounds positive and motivational, it isn’t really lifting them up.  Now they will just become perpetrators.  Or they’ll think they’re a hero when they really aren’t. A true hero would only exist at the top of the triangle.  Our power lies in our ability to let go of whatever we’re thinking and to reclaim our own True Self authority.

When we’ve become a victim of some masculine false leader, or authority, we’re in a feminine role.  To escape that prison, we must let go from the feminine.  As our mind clears, we’ll see our way out.  But if we turn that victimhood into an advantage, we’ve moved into our masculine mind.  We’ve flipped to the perpetrator/fake hero side of the triangle bottom without realizing it.  To get free of such thinking, we have to let go from the masculine.


Legitimate Victimhood VS. Victim Advantage

If a child is beaten by a parent, that’s bullying; and the child could reasonably be called a legitimate victim.  The child is a legitimate victim because the child is generally perceived as having no authority in the parent’s world within the illusion.  They can’t just leave their home or fight back.  Their choices seem very limited.

Religion invented original sin to block the fact that all children were born as True Selves, with more power than even the greatest ruler.  This is why you find stories of ancient rulers in the Bible wanting to kill the babies under two.  They feared the power of the little ones.  So they made up lies to cover up that power.

If we taught our children to let go, or just let them do what they know how to do naturally (we’re born knowing how to let go), then no child would ever be a victim.  In fact, the children would cause the illusion to dissolve over time.  The false leaders would all lose their fake power.  But sadly, parents teach their children to obey adults who are not creative leaders.  Some children are taught to be people pleasers.  Most children learn to submit to false leaders when they’re very young; then they keep doing it as adults.   A creative leader is a very rare leader.

In the illusion, there are physical roles.  They’re usually very well defined.  But often people get clever; they try to get around the physical roles by mentally manipulating people.  This is what has happened with the globalist elite in our world today.  They let us fight their physical wars; they just manipulate our minds to want to do so.  They use divide and conquer where they control both sides of an argument; they pit us against each other.  They scare people into becoming or remaining false leaders by making sure that no true leader remains in power (or alive) for very long.  Throughout history, telling the truth was often associated with a short life or a long prison sentence.  But that isn’t true if we let go.

As we let go and move toward freedom, roles disappear.  Authority disappears.  The True Self naturally has all the power in our minds and in the outer world.  We start letting go from our false mind then we slowly move more and more toward our True mind.  We move vertically up the triangle instead of swinging from side to side like a pendulum at the bottom.  There are no roles at the true mental level.  Everyone is independent, not codependent.  We’re now creators and creative leaders, not someone else’s pawn or possession.


Relabeling in the Illusion

Much of the reason for the victimhood trend is the false relabelling that’s quite popular among progressive leadership.  They take a group, who are not victims and make them into victims by labeling them victims.  Often to do this, they use words incorrectly.  In my work (especially in my advanced work), I force readers to look at the definitions of certain words and the etymology of those words.  We can see how we’ve fallen mentally by reviewing the shift in word meanings over time.  People who want to control others often do so with a slow boil rather than a fast burn.

A good example of this is the current trend to make illegal aliens in the western world into victims.  In order to confuse us, the progressive party uses the words illegal and immigrant incorrectly.  Many people don’t notice.  They’ve fallen so deeply into the hypnotic illusion.  They believe whatever people in authority tell them without thinking independently.  They don’t realize that they’ve been tricked into ignoring the true meaning of the words illegal and immigrant.  This is an old occult trick like magic; occult means hidden.  Their words become quicker than our logical mind when we believe such people.  These liars tell people one thing on the surface; and they hide their covert intention beneath the pretty words.

The word illegal means the person broke the law.  Immigrant means that the person came to a country in a law-abiding way.  They aren’t interchangeable words.  If an illegal alien broke the law, which they did since they didn’t enter the country legally, they aren’t entitled to rights, which would be granted to a normal citizen.  That makes perfect sense to anyone who hasn’t been tricked by progressive thinking.  In the progressive movement, they do this with many words, even the very word progressive.  Every progressive policy is totally regressive if you look closely.  Progressive policies lead to socialism or communism where there’s a powerful elite that controls everyone else (no middle class).  Such political structures lead to death and destruction, starvation, poverty, and civil unrest.  Do the research if you don’t believe me.  These progressive leaders also created sanctuary cities that are not sanctuaries for legal citizens.  They’re places for illegals to hide; the elite use the illegal aliens for votes and to do their dirty work (human and drug trafficking, murders (like Seth Rich), pedophilia, pornography, and more).  This is all widely known public information.  It’s very easy to research.  It isn’t a conservative versus liberal issue.

In fact, if you go back a decade, you will see people like Bill and Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama sounding exactly like Donald Trump today.  But the progressives have really made their move in America during the last decade under the guise of Democratic Socialism (In Europe it’s been going on longer.  That was the purpose of the EU).  The elite want us to think that this new socialism isn’t communism in disguise, or that they have a way that communism will work.  Don’t be fooled; they are using a very old occult trick.  My Ph.D. centered around learning the tricks of the occult; I know exactly what they’re up to.  The occultists have never been forces for win-win or goodness for all.  They have always been selfishly minded.  They are not like the initiates who never did anything that wasn’t win-win for all.

When we turn a lie into the truth, we also create an opposite, which is just as deceptive; we now must turn the truth into a lie.  So an illegal alien who is declared to be good must have the opposite of a legal law-abiding citizen who is bad.  But often people don’t see that.  If you’ve ever been falsely accused, this is why.  Someone was making someone false or bad into someone true or good; so they made you into someone false or bad.  It sucks.  I was very caught in false accusation until I learned to let go from the feminine.  Now I have no problem defending myself and exposing the lies that cause such things to happen to others.  To get people free, I have to expose victimhood.


The Whining Victim

I remember the first time I felt anxiety around a victim.  I was a young adult visiting my mother-in-law.  My mother-in-law really milked the victimhood advantage.  She’d talk for hours about her illnesses and how bad people were to her, and her family made her the center of attention.  She was the matriarch of the family, the false authority figure.  I would simply pull out a book and start reading; she had plenty of others listening to her every word.

One day my now ex-husband said to me, “Who do you think you are?  You are so rude to my mother.”  I set him straight very quickly.  “I’m rude, huh.  Which is more rude?  To whine for two hours about your problems and expect people to listen to you or to simply pull out a book and mind your own damn business.  How is she ever going to change her life if you guys all feed her victimhood perspective by rewarding her for it?”  They were essentially giving her the victimhood advantage.  To my husband, she was the victim of my rudeness.  In truth, she was bullying everyone in the room as she claimed her victimhood advantage.  My ex could only see her side of the issue; he was blind to the other side of the coin.  He was taught to have a double standard.  Double standards exist at the triangle bottom.

In the victimhood advantage, the perpetrator is really the victim and the victim is actually the perpetrator.  Victim is a feminine role.  Listening is also a feminine role.  So you can’t be a victim if you are the one talking.  Thus a whiner is a perpetrator, not a victim.  People don’t see the trick because we’re trained to be socially pleasant when someone complains.  We’re trained to think that they didn’t create their reality.  When we believe their whining is true, we often put their beliefs into our mind.  Then our life deteriorates too.  This did happen to me over time.  Since I always witnessed my mind, I could see that deterioration.  I just had to discern the cause of it, and I had to discover letting go to correct it.

Where did we get this social veneer that says it’s polite to sit and listen to people whine?  Whining just perpetuates all of our problems.  In fact, psychology is now proving that we spread memes like germs when we share our victimhood stories with conviction.  A truly win-win solution is to stop the conversation before it gets too far down the toilet.

But having been in that situation many times, I did eventually come to feel rude when I would say to a whiner, “Could we talk about something else?”  People feel guilty for not wanting to listen to the victims.  That’s training.  That’s why my husband and his siblings were listening to his mother.  They felt guilty if they ignored her.  They didn’t want to offend her.  So they let her offend everyone else.  Exposing these long-standing games takes courage.  The games are quite normal.  Freedom is very rare.

But there is a solution that I found by letting go for years.  Eventually, when we get all the way to our True Self as someone is whining, they just quit.  They can’t project on us anymore.  So they feel their own emotions.  They lose their fire.  So there is a light at the tunnel’s end.


Victims Don’t Need Our Enabling

When my husband and I married, he got sick all the time.  I played the caretaker role for a while, but then I noticed that he loved the attention.  So I started leaving him home alone to heal.  Sickness was how he got attention from his mother, and I had to send a clear message that it didn’t work with me.  In a very short time, he stopped getting sick.  All of his problems vanished like magic because sickness had no payoff anymore.

The victim advantage card worked with his mother, but I wasn’t going to allow him to play it with me.  It’s a trick…a game.  It’s not legitimate.  Some may see my reaction as cruel, but let’s look closely.  Is it more cruel to allow him to spend his life sick and my life taking care of his sickness; or is it more cruel to be honest, give him appropriate treatment for his condition, and expect him to return to health?  He later agreed with my actions because he found that he liked being healthy.  He was simply a victim of his mother’s bad programming.  He had been trained to get sick in exchange for attention.

Let’s look at another example of a different sort where my dad played the false victimhood advantage card.  He was telling me how he hated Jane Fonda for being mean to the troops.  I said to him, “Excuse me dad.  Military are trained killers.  The fact that they’re upset because an unarmed woman was mean to them means they are living a lie.  If they shake in their boots around Jane Fonda’s comments, then they sure as hell aren’t protecting you and I.”  He got my point and wondered why he could not see this.  He was just believing what he heard on the news without thinking about what was really going on in that situation.  We all make this mistake.  We’re all victims of the spin.  People who create media are very good at spinning their story toward their side of the triangle bottom.  We have to detect that easily and quickly with sharp discrimination, or we stay at the triangle bottom forever.  We never get back to being our True Self.

Most of us have been trained to support the victimhood advantage.  When we undo that fake mental programming, we know who to help and who is simply crying wolf.  We see the false prophets with ease.

Years ago, I was practicing as a hypnotherapist.  A friend asked me to do some sessions with a few of her Multiple Sclerosis patients.  I agreed.  I regressed each person back to the moment of diagnosis and gently suggested that they had a choice to accept the diagnosis, or they could deny it and stand up for their own health with their doctor.  In case after case, they chose to keep the diagnosis.  I asked each one why they made that choice because I was curious.  Each was receiving a payoff of some sort that they didn’t want to lose.  They knew that denying that diagnosis would start the healing process in their bodies; and they saw healing as losing.  This is what often keeps people stuck in problems.  Often healing begins the minute we let go of the payoff. The payoff acts as a reason for us to play the victimhood advantage card.  The illness raises this person who was powerless in the relationship into the position of false power.  That is often a desire when we’ve forgotten about our real power.

As long as we continue to reward another’s victimhood advantage through enabling them, we don’t push people to do their inner work.  We don’t support them in getting well or standing up for themselves or just being someone who we’d enjoy in our life.


Supporting Victims

If people don’t let go, they can’t get themselves out of victimhood.  Of course, we don’t want others to suffer.  So what can we do?  The main thing we do is work on ourselves.  We must get the idea of victim and perpetrator, oppressor and oppressed, out of our minds.

We can support victims best by removing them from the feminine role.  We can remind them that their payoff is nothing compared to the real prize of freedom and living their best life.  We have to attempt to show them how they got themselves into that mess.  Ideally, we get them to let go.  Ultimately, the cause of any problem is mental.  Sometimes that is too far of a leap.  So we start by getting them to deal with the physical cause rather than fixing the effects of their problem.

We must never feel guilty for supporting others in this tough way.  We must never feel that we need to enable their baggage.  If a victim wants our help, they need to accept what we’re willing to give.  They have no right to bully us into giving them attention or sympathy.  Often people want me to be like their therapist, healer, or guru.  I’m not going to be that for them.  I’ve dedicated my life to freeing people.  I can’t worship two masters.  If you worship at the alter of victim and perpetrator; you can’t worship at the alter of freedom.  It’s just not possible.  They are two different levels of perception.

Our true power begins the moment we realize that we can’t be a victim if we don’t play the games of the illusion.  When we all stop playing the good and evil game, there will be no more victimhood.  That’s the world I want to live in.  And to get there, some people will have to give up their victimhood advantage.  They won’t do that if we don’t call it what it is…manipulation…a control drama.

There are times when we all fall into victimhood especially as children because we’re born innocent.  Good and evil, victim and perpetrator, win and lose, etc., don’t make sense to a child because the triangle bottom is all false…an illusion.  Victimhood can become a story that bores our friends and family, or it can be a reason to turn inward…a reason to go into our cocoon and dissolve our past, find our True Self, and be reborn as a beautiful butterfly.

Butterfly emerged from cacoonThe victimhood advantage is not really an advantage.  It’s a small reward for playing a stupid game, a game that really needs to end because the victimhood advantage is lose-lose for everyone.

There’s no room for paradise in the illusion.  But more important, the victimhood advantage causes those who use it to lose out on the permanent and lasting rewards of living an authentic life, making their true dreams manifest, and contributing to a better world.

If we go inside and really look at why we’re stuck in victimhood, we often find that the victim experience is exactly what we needed.  It was a critical part of our life story.  It pushed us to let go.  The caterpillar doesn’t feel victimized when it goes inward, and that’s what allows it to be transformed into a beautiful butterfly.  Initiation is exactly the same.


photo credit: Stuck in Customs via photo pin cc

photo credit: MrClean1982 via photo pin cc


Cathy Eck is a true pioneer always pushing the boundaries of thought and beliefs. Cathy is courageous about exposing the status quo. While her ideas might not be popular, they are effective, practical, and true. They create unity where division once existed. They create love where hate had reigned. They create joy where pain and sorrow were once normal. They are ideas worth considering and hopefully embracing.

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. elvira untila

    Dear Cathy, I just wanted to tell you that it worked and it was so easy! I just let go of any judgement and I had finally a nice and calm talk with my friend (after so long..). She brought the subject only once but she quickly agreed to let it go. I also did the same for a family situation that seemed to be complicated. Recently, I learnt that it was solved out and my parents are ok now. Many thanks Cathy !

    1. Cathy

      Awesome. Good for you for doing it. C

  2. elvira untila

    Thank you Cathy for your advice. Indeed, I have to strengthen my masculine mind.

  3. elvira untila

    This a very interesting article and it describes one of my experiences. I have a friend I appreciate a lot. I have enjoyed talking to her as I felt calm around her until she started to be the victim of someone stalking her. At first, I felt her fear and I tried to help her. I was receptive when she needed to talk to someone but this became tiring. Over time, all her arguments remained irrelevant, while she become more anxious. She kept telling me that two of her friends had similar experiences and she searched a lot on internet about stalkers that would confirm her fears. Our common friends are convinced that she invented everything in order to get attention and now they avoid her. Last time I felt irritated when I talked to her, I wanted to yell at her “stop, let go of all of this and live your life!”. She even tried to put in my head her fears by saying: “how come we spent a lot of time together and only me is being stalked? Are you sure no one entered into your house ?or maybe because I am single and easier to be stalked”. During two months I thought I also saw signs from someone that could have entered into my house until I let go of this fear and I became calm again. She believes that the stalker wants her to lose her friends and that people believe that she is crazy. I told her to let go. I thought in my mind that it would be win-win in all cases: even if the stalker exists, he maybe would stop doing the stalking if my friend wouldn’t become what he wants. But she doesn’t want to let go. She wants to discover that “stalker” and keeps her anxiety. In high school she was threatened by another student, she always felt rejected by her elder sister and she always had issues with something. Given this and my body reactions when I talked to her, I am certain that she imagined her story to get attention. However, I felt very guilty and confused for not being able to help her and starting to avoid her, until I read this article. Things are clearer to me now and I detected another beliefs to let go of.
    Many thanks Cathy

    1. Cathy

      You can help her best by not believing her. It sounds like you are doing that, but sometimes we can get even more clear. It isn’t that we think she is making it up but that what she is saying is false because it would not come from her True Self. So whatever she says, check your mind and make sure that you don’t take it in. Also let go of what you see in her that she isn’t letting go or is stuck. When it comes up don’t say anything in response. Just let go and when she’s done talking change the subject. I let go of everything I see or hear on everyone as I have time. Often my friend’s problems go away and they don’t know why. Or with something like this, they just quit talking about it with me. It is a good chance to practice letting go of any judgments so you can strengthen your masculine mind aspect. C

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