Who Is Cathy, the Author of Gateway to Gold?
Hello! I’m Cathy, the author of every article on this website, No Labels No Lies, the Gold Circle, and the Golden Gateway. If you’ve been reading my articles, it’s no secret that I have a unique point of view. I’ve been described as a mental pioneer by some and a lunatic by those who have strong belief systems. Fortunately, I don’t believe labels; so others can call me whatever they want. Unlike a physical pioneer, I didn’t discover new lands or new technology. I discovered how we went from life in perfect Eden to a world filled with suffering, crime, poverty, disease, and war. I also discovered how we return to Eden. Now you know all about me and my life’s work; everything else is just the details.
You see, the book of Genesis in the Bible wasn’t lying when it said that humans fell. However, the story of Adam and Eve left out the most important detail. We fell mentally, not physically. While we have evolved physically over time, we have greatly devolved mentally. We humans were tricked into using our minds and emotions in a false way, which confused our discrimination system; and it manifested a giant, collective illusion. After falling, we were told that we could never go back to Eden. That was the biggest lie ever told. In fact, we were all meant to go back to Eden. We just forgot how to do that because we’d been gone from our perfect home for such a very long time.
Today, we live in a place and time where most people have at least one belief system that they cling to. Most of the people who say that they have found themselves, found their purpose, or found the truth are just playing roles within the illusion. Consequently, being ourselves, without a shared belief system, is viewed as very odd. Saying that you live beyond the illusion sounds like you’ve moved off planet. True mental freedom, or a life without beliefs, is a concept that has been lost over time. But beliefs are how we keep ourselves out of Eden. We forgot that we hold the key that opens that golden gateway to a heavenly life. We forgot that we can let go of our beliefs. The word belief has the word lie within it for a very good reason.
If you’ve ever watched someone do something really well, that person is generally coming from their True Self on that topic. They appear to be in the flow. They appear to be perfect. We find it exhilarating just to watch them work or perform. For that aspect of life, that person has what we call mastery. But what is mastery? Does it come from God? Is it in our DNA? Can we acquire mastery if we weren’t born with it?
If we were to tear open that person’s mind, we’d find that when they did that thing, their mind was empty…totally quiet. There was no worry or fear; they weren’t ruminating over their to-do list. They weren’t thinking about what to do next. Their body was functioning as a vessel through which their inspiration flowed. Such people will say that they don’t want to do anything else. But on another topic, that same person might find that they have lots of beliefs; and that topic isn’t enjoyable for them at all. They feel emotional at the mere thought of it. They feel like they can’t be themselves when they engage in that aspect of life. On that topic, they’re deeply stuck in the illusion.
Until recently, most people didn’t question the normal viewpoint of society. Most experts, who clearly want to help people live more enjoyable lives, are just tweaking our normal way of thinking. They don’t want to rock the boat too much. What I write doesn’t just rock the boat, it flips it upside down. I can assure you that I’ve tested everything I’ve written on myself, and my boat has never sunk. I discovered that we were taught to use our boats upside down, and we never questioned what we were taught. By flipping my boat right side up, the parts of my life that worked still worked; in fact, they became even easier. But other parts of my life started working too. I realized that the way we were trained to use our minds was 180 degrees from the truth. The normal way of using our minds was not natural. Today people want natural food, natural fabrics, natural homes, and natural cosmetics. What they actually need is a natural mind. But they don’t know that a natural mind exists.
We were all trained to shut off our inspiration, our wisdom, our true creativity, and our freedom. In short, we were trained to put our True Self in the closet, lock it up, and lose the keys. That’s why we have suffering of all kinds on planet earth. We were taught that we should listen to others who came before us; but those others have already fallen into the collective illusion. As we grow older, many of us know that something is missing; we recognize that life is not truly satisfying even for the people who are very successful and appear to have it all.
Today people go from one belief system to another looking for the truth; they don’t realize that what they’re looking for is the absence of all belief systems and false knowledge, which I call mental freedom. All belief systems result in limitation because beliefs cover up our true knowing…our natural wisdom. As you know, it’s said that humans only use ten percent or less of their mental capacity. That’s how much we’ve been dumbed ourselves down as a result of using our minds in a way that they were not designed to be used.
Usually when you visit the “about the author” page of a website, you’re looking at a resume with lots of credentials. I’ve got some credentials, but they don’t mean much anymore. I didn’t discover any of this by channeling, and I didn’t discover what I’ve come to know by doing experiments in a laboratory with mice. My credentials can be found in the journey that I’ve taken, which formally spanned over three decades; informally, it has been the focus of my whole life. I acquired traditional credentials when I tried to find the answers to life’s big questions within the illusion. The illusion honors knowledge over wisdom; so I thought that I needed more knowledge. But I learned that the illusion didn’t have the answers that I really wanted and needed. The one thing that you won’t find in the illusion is how to escape the illusion. Inside of the illusion, I couldn’t find anyone who even thought escaping the illusion was possible without dying. That wasn’t an acceptable answer from my point of view.
I discovered that belief systems are the cause of all suffering. The illusory reality that we manifest with beliefs and false knowledge appears to be real and true. But it’s actually real and false. Suffering disappears when we free our minds and exit the illusion. That’s a hard pill for most people to swallow. Having beliefs is considered normal by most, but I can assure you that it’s not natural. All belief systems have cracks…big cracks; people ignore those cracks because they’re unable to resolve their cognitive dissonance. Letting go eliminates cognitive dissonance altogether. I’ve never found one exception…not even one little crack…in what I share. I’ve looked hard for cracks; I’ve put my ideas to the test over and over again. Other people have sworn that they found a crack, but they were always wrong. They only wanted to prove their version of the illusion right. The truth of the matter is that using our mind as it was originally designed just works.
How Did I End Up Where I Am Today? (Act I of My Story)
I view everyone’s life as a story; and I view everyone’s life purpose as bringing their unique story full circle both mentally and physically. The happily ever after to our personal story was referred to as initiation in ancient times. After our story was complete, we got to live as a creator of our life experience; we viewed the entire collective illusion as a false reality that had no impact on us anymore. We did not honor any belief system once we were a free-minded being. When we completed our initiation, we completely understood the joy of true freedom; so of course, we wanted to give that to others if they wanted it. But initiation can’t be learned; therefore, it can’t be taught. Consequently, much of my own full-circle story involved finding initiation, bringing it back to life, proving it is possible, and discovering how to pass it on to others in a way that reverses the devolution of their minds. With that introduction, let me give you the short version of my story…the pieces of my life that really mattered.
When I was little, I had a direct relationship with something inside of me. It was pure consciousness; it didn’t talk. It was my inspiration. I was so happy as a little child. No human could make me unhappy. I don’t think that part of my experience is uncommon. People just forget that part of their lives once they get stuck in the illusion. I did too. But once I came back out of the illusion, I remembered my unbounded happiness as clear as day; and what I experienced in the illusion was now much less clear. The illusion looked like an illusion again.
I still remember two distinct moments from around the age of five years old. The first memory was when I heard my mother talking with a friend about suffering. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t even imagine the things that she was describing to her friend; I felt that this suffering crap must be a mistake. But my mom was talking about it as a fact of life. I decided to talk to the perfect clarity that was inside of my mind. That was odd because my relationship with that “something” inside of me was always silent before that moment. Also, it was always giving to me; and I just received. Now I was going to be the one who was asserting.
I kneeled on a chair next to a big window in our house. I looked out that window at a large pond on our property. I liked that pond very much. Then I basically had a one-sided conversation with that “something” in my mind. In that conversation, I used words; I forgot that the “something” had never spoken to me in words. It spoke to me in METAPHOR and direct inspiration. In other words, I didn’t have to think in order to understand everything it communicated to me. Understanding this “something” was instinctive. But I was thinking as I communicated to it. I was not communicating to this part of me like it communicated to me. I was communicating to it like I talked to my mom or dad.
I begged this all-loving aspect of my mind to get rid of the suffering in the world. I even told it that I would do my part to end it; I would give up my perfect life if suffering would disappear for others. I wanted everyone to be joyful all the time. I felt like I was heard. So I got down off my soapbox-like chair and went back to playing with my toys.
As a young girl, I would often listen to my parents talk with each other and with other adults. I loved to eavesdrop on their conversations. From about the ages of five to eight, I could see cause and effect naturally; but I didn’t realize that at the time. I could see that the adults’ mental beliefs were the cause of their physical life effects. The correlation was so incredibly obvious. Why didn’t the adults see what I saw? I wanted the adults to drop their beliefs so that their life or health would improve. But I was a little child; I was pretty sure that no one was going to listen to me. I assumed that the “something” in me had helped me to see the cause of suffering. At that point in time, I believed that the “something” was keeping our deal. I decided that I would remember what I saw and end suffering once I was an adult and people would listen to me.
The second important memory from that same time period happened when I was looking at my mother’s Bible. (She wasn’t religious. She kept ancestral information in our family Bible. I don’t think she ever read a word of it.) I liked the fact that the Bible had numbered sentences. I also liked that it didn’t have pictures. I figured that meant it was important. All of my books had few words and lots of pictures; they were not important books. One day, I picked up the Bible like an adult; and I said to myself, “This damn book isn’t right; or there wouldn’t be any suffering in the world. I’m going to have fix this book when I’m big.” I swore all the time as a child, so I’m not exaggerating. Both of these five-year-old moments were prophetic. Much of what I ultimately decoded in order to fulfill my desire to end suffering was found in that damn Bible.
Over time, I started to forget about the fact that mental causes manifested physical effects. It became harder and harder for me to see cause and effect in others. Suffering appeared to just happen…out of the blue; clearly that was how everyone else was seeing it, including my mom. But the idea that bad stuff just happens to people felt horrible to me. I became afraid of my own future. My mother would tell me that everything happens for a reason. But she couldn’t tell me the reasons. She also told me that often good people died young. That scared the living crap out of me. I sometimes watched a crazy televangelist on Sunday mornings because there was nothing else to watch. He said that whatever happened was created by God…God’s will. That implied that we were all just actors on a giant stage; our choices meant nothing. Every adult had a reason for suffering, but no adult felt that they could end it. That didn’t make any sense to me at all. I had seen cause and effect so clearly.
Later on, suffering crept into my life experience. At that point, I felt like this “something” within me was not keeping its end of our deal. I said that I’d be willing to suffer if it took away the suffering of others. But it didn’t take away the suffering of others; and I felt that it just gave me suffering too. I assumed that it had let me down. But actually my mom introduced me to suffering, not this “something” within. My mom also introduced me to words, not the “something.” I was blaming the “something” for what my mother and other fallen humans were thinking, saying, and doing.
Today this all makes sense to me. Much of my life story was about understanding this quiet “something” inside of me, as well as the reason why my one-sided deal was never going to work. Giving up our perfect connection with our True Self only hurts us; it causes us to join the illusion. That doesn’t help anyone. My problem was that I believed my mother’s perception of life and the world, and she was already a card-carrying member of the illusion. She had no connection to the “something” in her mind anymore. We all make this error. We just make it under different circumstances.
Once we believe the illusion because it appears real and true, we appear to lose our ability to escape it; that’s because we are more focused on the illusion than our own “something” within. How could my True Self, i.e., “the something,” end suffering when no suffering exists from its point of view? The True Self contains no beliefs, no rules, and no false knowledge. Our True Self is our part of the Creator from Genesis I of the Bible; it only made good. Most humans want God to come into the illusion and help them with their miserable lives. I came to realize that it’s our purpose in life to reject the illusion and to let go of the beliefs and programming in our mind that sustains it. Then we will naturally go back to a free, heavenly, and joyful life as one who lives as a physical extension of that “something.” That’s our full-circle story; it’s our return to Eden.
The next key moment in my life came in the third grade. I couldn’t memorize anything that wasn’t totally true, and I didn’t need to. I understood everything that mattered with ease. In fact, I understood most things better than the teacher, and she didn’t like that. She hated that I didn’t repeat her exact words when I responded to a question. One day, she got very angry at me; and she called me a “know it all.” I was devastated by her nasty comment, and I was so embarrassed. I wasn’t being a smart ass. I was answering her questions perfectly. But as an eight-year old, I couldn’t defend myself.
That incident, as well as some other things that happened around that same time, caused my eyesight to deteriorate. I noticed that something was wrong one night when we were driving to downtown Pittsburgh. I always loved reading the billboards that were across the river from the Parkway. They were lit up at night. On this particular trip, I couldn’t read those signs anymore. They were blurry. My dad was used to me reading the signs out loud. He wondered why I wasn’t doing that. I told him, and then I was stuck. Now he and my mom also thought something might be wrong with my eyes. The problem wasn’t solid yet; it came and went. But then, we had an eye test in school; and I was falsely accused again while waiting in line by that same teacher. I was crying when I took the test, and so I couldn’t see the letters. Next thing I knew I was in an eye doctor’s office…the scariest man I’d ever seen in my life.
My parents believed that someone else had to fix my eyesight problem; and that expert didn’t believe that my eyesight problem would ever go away. He prophesied that my eyesight would deteriorate very quickly, and so it did. He said that I could even go blind, which scared the crap out of me. The beliefs that I accepted from my teacher’s labeling and my parents’ and the expert’s assessment of my problem pulled me deeply into the illusion.
The lit-up signs were a metaphor for what was going on in my mind at that time. My teacher sent me a strong message that she didn’t want me to answer questions from inspiration and understanding. Metaphors are what we often refer to as “insight” or inner sight, which is the ability to see into a situation so that we recognize the mental cause. Metaphors are beyond knowledge; metaphors relate to causes, not reasons. I’m describing how we all fall into the illusion. But most people don’t remember what was happening in their mind at the time of an inciting incident; they only remember the physical event and how horrible they felt after it happened.
Once I was stuck in the illusion on that topic, I couldn’t see that my physical effect was related to my teacher’s nasty label. I didn’t recognize that the emotion I felt when she labeled me meant that she was speaking a lie. I was totally missing the connection between the mental cause (my belief that her label was true) and the physical effect (my eyesight); the result of my lack of insight was suffering. That suffering was caused by a human, not my True Self. I could no longer read the lit-up signs, and I could no longer read the metaphors from my True Self.
We all speak the language of metaphor; it’s instinctive. It’s the language of our True Selves. Metaphor is the language of creation; it’s a silent language. We lose our ability to understand our natural language when we fall into the illusion on any topic. Then we can’t find our way back. Once we fall on one topic, we fall on other topics; at some point in time, we don’t even remember that life outside of the illusion exists. That’s because life outside of the illusion is a mental perspective, not a physical place. In the illusion, we all have a physical focus. In addition, we can’t learn the natural language of metaphor, and that’s why we can’t learn initiation. We have to let go of whatever covered up our pure knowing; that’s how we return to Eden.
Once we treat a belief (lie) or label as true, it manifests in our life, or in someone else’s life if we project it out. I falsely accepted that it was wrong to know everything. In school, you are supposed to be dumb by default; then you memorize what the teacher wants you to know. It would be decades before I came to realize the ridiculousness of my teacher’s label and education in general.
In a short period of time, I was wearing very thick glasses that hurt my face and gave me headaches. In addition, I couldn’t memorize false knowledge. I was in a pickle. I tried everything that I could think of in order to memorize what the teacher said. But if the knowledge was false, it would not stick in my mind. If the knowledge was true, I simply understood it. So I didn’t need to put that knowledge into my mind using the teacher’s words. Now I realize that my mind was working as our minds were designed to work. Religion and education change the way that we use our minds. Learning and memorization makes initiation very difficult because it clutters our false mind, which was meant to be our creative container. The fact that I couldn’t memorize would serve me later on in life. But it caused me a lot of stress when I was in school.
Fortunately, the deterioration of my eyesight slowed down after I got away from that horrible teacher. I became very quiet and introverted. If I couldn’t speak from my point of view, I did not speak at all. I wasn’t anti-social. I enjoyed sharing physical experiences with friends and family. But I also enjoyed my time alone.
Looking outside at the world was uncomfortable for me physically. So I was happiest when I was watching my mind. I did it all the time. I also liked doing things that didn’t require the use of my glasses…like knitting, drawing pictures, or doing crafts that didn’t require too much precision or thought. Also, I could watch my mind while I did such things. I also liked doing physical activities like skating or swimming. I enjoyed anything that allowed me to watch my mind. In fact, I watched my mind all day, every day in school. I never listened to a teacher again. I’d read the textbooks the night before the test. Then I’d forget them as soon as the test was completed. I only retained what could be understood.
My life seemed like a series of contradictions. I couldn’t memorize what the teachers said to memorize, but I scored very high on IQ tests. I couldn’t remember what I was told to memorize, but I could remember how I felt or what I was thinking in perfect detail when someone brought up a memory. I clearly had a functional memory, but it didn’t work like everyone else’s. My memory was focused on what was going on inside of my mind, and what was true, not what was happening outside in the illusion. In hindsight, it was my eyesight problem that helped me to keep my mind relatively free. It caused me to witness my mind full time, which would become a very important part of my adult life.
Beliefs (or lies) of any sort made me very uncomfortable. I turned away from them like I had just put my finger on a hot surface. I was starting to see that the quality of my mind, emotions, and life deteriorated when I put any sort of beliefs or false knowledge into my mind. Witnessing my mind all the time was giving me understanding that no one else in my life seemed to possess. Since no one understood my point of view, I got used to mentally going through life alone; and that was also important for the work I do today. I never developed a need to fit in.
In normal screenwriting, a three-act structure is used. I find the same format in our life stories. In the first act, the main character has an inciting incident. That incident is what causes us to fall into the illusion. For me, the main incident was related to my eyesight and my school experience. My introduction to suffering was also an inciting incident. In both of those situations, I felt that I had to honor the illusion. But in other parts of my life, I felt like I was still standing on the outside looking in. Those aspects of my life remained outside of the illusion. In Act II, we spend our time trying to resolve our inciting incidents; but often, we hit a lot of stops and starts. We go to people for help who actually take us further into the illusion, like my eye doctor. Act II is where we become seekers of the truth. But we can’t get to our happily-ever-after story ending in Act II because we are looking outside for what can only be found inside of our minds. Often, as you’ll see with my story, we were doing things that would ultimately help us to resolve our inciting incidents in Act II; but we didn’t realize that yet. Act III is all about initiation; most people never get to Act III. They die first. Then, they have to come back and try again. So they never bring their stories full circle. That’s because the illusion has become too complex. Act III is where we purify our minds. Then, our stories come full circle; and we become the creators of our life experience again. Now we can see the metaphors, and we live from inspiration and understanding…not memorization of knowledge. We use our minds as they were naturally designed again.
Trying to Resolve my Inciting Incident (Act II of My Story)
After high school, I worked as a keypunch operator and a secretary for a while. I didn’t want to deal with more education. But after a while, I realized that I liked business a lot. So I went to night school, and I got a bachelor’s degree in accounting. I did very well because night-school professors have real jobs during the day, and they teach from real-life examples. They are interesting to listen to. Career educators are no comparison to night-school professors. They only have knowledge that they got from memorization. Prior to graduation, I landed a job with the largest accounting firm in the world. I was the first graduate of that university to ever get a job with what was labeled a “Big Eight” accounting firm. I couldn’t wait to get started with my new career.
Accounting suited me because I didn’t have to memorize facts. It was a subject that was easily understood and applied. In accounting, you either got everything to balance, or you didn’t. It followed the natural laws of cause and effect and true and false. I could be myself in public accounting, and I was really good at it. I enjoyed my work a lot, and I met some brilliant people while working in public accounting. I truly loved the business world and business people. They were productive, logical, and intelligent; they didn’t sit around talking about theories, philosophies, or beliefs. I was so happy in that world.
One day, the managing partner of the accounting firm where I worked asked for volunteers for their new computer-auditing program. My hand was the first to go up. I thought that was the opportunity of a lifetime. A week later, I started working with a laptop, which back then was twenty-two pounds. Basically, that laptop allowed me to write custom code on the job site. Then, I went to the mainframe each night after work and processed my programs. I worked very long days, but it didn’t feel like work. I loved technology and accounting; both made sense to me. Accounting either works, or it doesn’t. Programming computers either works, or it doesn’t. After doing that job for a few years, I really wanted to start my own business. I thought about it all the time. When my husband and I went for a walk, ate dinner, or went for a drive, I was tossing out my endless stream of business ideas. I nearly drove him mad.
After five years of public accounting, I started my own technology firm with my husband as my Vice President; he also had a degree in accounting and a master’s degree in computer science. The time was right because I also wanted to have children. One of the partners in the accounting firm were I worked was very honest with me with regard to my desire for children; he said that I wouldn’t become a partner in the firm if I had children. I simply wouldn’t be able to devote the time and energy that was necessary to be a partner. I didn’t view that comment as discrimination. I appreciated his honesty. He didn’t want me to waste my time and be disappointed later on. Besides, his comment was actually the push that I needed to leave the accounting firm. I didn’t dislike my job; and so, it felt odd leaving something I liked for something unknown. In fact, that partner gave me two thousand dollars as a going-away gift, which seemed like a whole lot of money at the time. He wanted to help me buy a computer system for my new business; and he sent me clients for years. He told me that he would always be there for me if I ever needed him, and that meant a lot to me.
I want to make it clear that I worked in public accounting when it was very male dominated; but never once did I use the word discrimination. I was paid the same or even more than men simply because I was very good at what I did. I was invaluable to the firm. Women who whine about the glass ceiling are generally not producing quality work. It’s an excuse that is simply not true. If a company needs you more than you need them, they treat you very well.
During the early days of my new business venture, I gave birth to three children over the course of six years. I loved being an entrepreneur, and I loved being a mom. It was a very busy time in my life. I felt a lot of stress, and I’d gotten away from watching my mind because I was being pulled in so many different directions. My mother said that she was worried that my stress had become too great; she noticed that my eyelids twitched and my hands often shook. So I took an eastern meditation class in order to ease her mind. I realized pretty quickly that I wasn’t impressed with the way the meditation teacher said to meditate. Repeating a silly mantra was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard. Eastern meditation was like driving a go-cart compared to my mental witnessing, which was like driving a Ferrari. But I no longer had a Ferrari mind; I had more like a Ford Pinto mind by that time.
I had no desire to repeat a mantra to quiet my mind because I had to listen to the stupid mantra. That made my mind noisier…not quieter. Once again, I found myself on the outside of life looking in and wondering what in the hell the meditation teacher was thinking. Nevertheless, seeing the contrast between this very popular form of meditation and what I did naturally was invaluable. Until that time, I didn’t realize that I was letting go as I watched my mind. But I was. Once I witnessed a thought, it generally disappeared. I wasn’t “watching my thoughts go by” like eastern meditators. I didn’t have a “monkey mind.” It was obvious to me that there was no letting go in eastern meditation. That was a giant red flag for me. Why in the hell would you watch your thoughts and not let them go? In eastern meditation, you supposedly quieted your mind; but where did the noise go? Why didn’t the mind become quiet like mine had always done in the past? If something really worked, you’d do it for a while; and then, you wouldn’t need to do it anymore. You wouldn’t do it for life. Doing a practice for life meant that the practice didn’t work.
I decided to use the schedule of daily meditation as prescribed by the eastern meditation teacher. But I’d watch my mind like I’d done in the past. Unfortunately, I couldn’t just jump right back into the ease of watching my mind and letting go that I had earlier in life. So I played mental games during my meditation time in order to find out what was going on within my mind. I was having fun playing with my mind, which caused me to want to witness my mind more than the prescribed twenty minutes two times a day. I noticed right away that when beliefs arose, they didn’t always disappear like they did in the past. You see, I didn’t realize that I was making beliefs disappear when I witnessed them until I noticed that now some of my beliefs didn’t disappear. With anything that’s natural; it just happens. We don’t have to think about it. We only notice that which is natural when we lose it.
My third-grade teacher’s ugly label had caused me to go deeply inward, which caused me to witness my mind. In that regard, she did me a giant favor. Generally when I witnessed my mind, that “something” inside of my mind helped me to let go. That “something” helped me to see when a belief was false. It helped to see cause and effect. Now I was also noticing that true and false was part of my mind’s natural design. I remembered a time when I was very young, and I felt stuck in another one of my mom’s beliefs. I went to my dad and told him that I was dying from a ridiculous disease. He looked at me and said, “That is not true; that disease does not happen to little kids. It happens to old people.” It was like the spell from my mom’s words was broken when I heard “not true.” I was free of the effect because I knew the causal belief, which I’d gotten from my mom, was false. So if I could see a belief as false on my own (or occasionally with my dad’s help), there was no reason to think that thought ever again; my mind became quiet on that topic. That’s how our mind was meant to work; our True Self was meant to lead our mind.
By now, I could see that there was a theme to my life. I was always adapting to people who were labeled teachers or experts; these people clearly didn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. But they couldn’t see that. They spoke their false knowledge with absolute conviction. If an authority figure could get others to believe their belief system was true, their followers would manifest those beliefs in reality. Then that authority figure was deemed to have proven that he or she had the truth. But the authority figure didn’t have the truth; they had the power of numbers…lots of believers. They got their followers to manifest an illusion, which is real but FALSE. I call this circular reasoning. You believe something is true, so you manifest it; then you say the belief is proven to be true because you manifested it. Since I could generally let the teachers’ and experts’ belief systems go, I did not manifest said effects. I was proving that their belief system was false. But my ability to let go didn’t help anyone else. They would just point to their illusory reality and tell me that I was wrong. They were sure that I would eventually manifest the same thing that they did. This is why it’s so hard to explain letting go and initiation.
What I experienced is typical of Act II of our stories. We think someone like a meditation teacher is going to help us; but they only serve to amplify the illusion. I was a little different from most people because I had been witnessing my mind all of my life. I went to experts and teachers and asked for help like everyone else. But in short order, I knew that they were making the quality of my mind worse, not better. So I never gave them my power. I let them and their silly beliefs go. I also had to deal with this issue when I got married. I married a Catholic, and he thought his belief system was true. But if I put his beliefs into my mind, the quality of my thinking clearly degraded. So I knew those beliefs were false.
Unfortunately, my memory from my third-grade teacher would not go away. She directed that label right at me like she was stabbing me with a knife. I did believe her, even though she clearly made my mind worse. As an adult, I could see where I went wrong. But I didn’t have a clue how to undo the damage that I had done to my mind. I’d believed that I had an eyesight problem for so long that it seemed to be impossible to remove.
I missed my old mind. I felt like I’d lost that “something” from my childhood. I desperately wanted my old mind back 24/7, 365…not just during my meditation sessions. I wanted to love my mind again like I did as a child. At first, it was hard for me to watch my mind at work; I was just too busy, or so I thought. But I would watch my mind when I was driving; and I would watch my mind while doing things with my children. I was watching my mind more and more. I hated eastern meditation; but it had served as the catalyst that got me back to watching my mind. So I was very appreciative of that gift.
I realized that when I’d stopped watching my mind, beliefs had gotten stuck in it without my noticing it. Those sneaky beliefs were affecting the clarity of my thinking and the quality of my life experience. Those beliefs were causing the stress that freaked out my mother. In addition, the beliefs that had crept into my mind were viewed as normal by most everyone. I wasn’t sure if they were true or false. If I asked others for their opinion, they assured me that such beliefs were true. They had seen evidence of those beliefs in reality. Even my dad was no help anymore. But if those thoughts were true, wouldn’t I have been born with them? Wouldn’t I have had those thoughts as a small child when my mind was crystal clear?
One day, I got so upset with my mind that I wanted to fix it at all cost. I was having a lot of problems in my business, the economy was horrible, and it seemed that my employees didn’t do what I wanted them to do. I didn’t care if I rocked my boat or anyone else’s boat. I was tired of trying to live in a world that didn’t make any sense. I wanted to get those noisy beliefs out of my mind.
My business was located in Northern Virginia, just outside of Washington, D.C. One day, while driving home from a client’s office on the Dulles Toll Road, something cracked in my mind. It literally felt like a giant readjustment of my perception. I heard the thought: I am causing the problems that I see in my employees. I am causing them to perform badly. I didn’t know what projecting meant back then, but that’s what I was doing. I was seeing flaws in my employees that were actually coming from beliefs within my own mind. For me, that was abhorrent. I felt like I was causing my employees to suffer. I was supposed to be eliminating suffering, not causing it. But in hindsight, I needed to see how suffering was caused in order to eliminate it; so this would become another part of my full-circle story.
When I got back to my office, I closed my door. I looked at each of my technical employees through the eyes of an observer just like I looked at everything in life as a child. I noticed the flaws that I saw in them, and I could see that those flaws kept them from perfection. I saw the thought in my mind that expected them to keep making errors or act irresponsibly. I didn’t want to think such things about my employees. I cared very much for all of them. Clearly, I was seeing false; so there was no reason to hold such thoughts in my mind. False was the key; once I realized that I was seeing false in them, the belief left my mind just like it used to do naturally.
In a very short amount of time, I noticed that my employees stopped acting in flawed ways. In fact, my employees all became like geniuses. They even got better looking physically from my point of view. I was learning how to get my perfect mind back. Of course, I wanted to go further. I realized that when I let go of what I thought was erroneously true about my employees, my mind became quieter as well. It takes repetition to hold a false thought in our mind; so false thoughts that we deem to be true make our mind noisy. I was also understanding projection before anyone talked about projection; so when I learned about projection years later, I knew they were spewing false information. Projection isn’t normal; it is an error in the projector’s mind that needs to be corrected.
I came to realize over time that this wasn’t like a healing of that issue in the employee; it was a healing of my flawed perception of them. I was the leader of the company; so when I saw my employees as perfect, they were perfect. But none of this was fake; I was NOT affirming or visualizing great employees. I was removing the illusion of bad employees from MY mind. I could now see that everything that’s undesirable in reality is part of the illusion. When we let go, we find the perfection that was always there. We just couldn’t see it.
Letting go doesn’t involve faking it until you make it. You let go or you don’t. The employee didn’t change in other aspects of their life, so I wasn’t impacting their free will. But they could no longer perform badly for me, and they never complained about that. They got to see their potential. They felt wonderful. I was seeing what leadership was supposed to look like. As leaders, we are supposed to bring out the best in others. Why wasn’t every leader letting go of win-lose thinking? Today I can answer that question. If a leader is false minded, then they don’t want their employees to rise to the occasion; they fear losing their false power. Today the world is filled with false-minded leaders; and that’s why people are not rising to their potential anymore.
There were so many amazing moments during that time in my business life. I’ve written about many of them in my articles. Here’s one example; these kinds of things happened every day…often several times a day. One of my trainers, Kim, had a client who was having a ridiculous problem. It was mostly a client error, but the client couldn’t understand what she was doing wrong. She made the same mistake over and over again. Kim went back to George, my lead programmer, and asked him if he could change the program so she couldn’t make that mistake. He pulled up the code, and changed it in minutes; he put the new program on a disk. Then Kim called a courier to take the new code to the client. This was before the internet. In about an hour, I heard Kim yelling down the hall. In case anyone forgot, “George is a genius. He made another client very happy.” Everyone was always complimenting each other in this way. But it wasn’t the fake, forced compliments that people often give today. They were just announcing the person’s latest achievement so that we could all celebrate together.
As you can imagine, I didn’t want to stop with that improvement. So next, I wanted to change my relationship with my clients. I had a problem with my sales people overpromising. That led to misunderstandings, underdelivering, and disappointment for me and my clients. I wanted to stop selling altogether, but everyone in the technology business had a sales force. I was taught that a technology business was all about marketing and selling. I simply couldn’t see outside of that box. One day, I was walking through the local Barnes & Noble bookstore, and I saw a book that had the words “Win Win” in the title. I didn’t buy the book or even pick it up. All I needed was those two precious words. I wanted everything I thought, said, and did to be win win for all. That desire felt like I’d found a message in a bottle that told me who I truly was. Today, I’d call it my North Star.
I started witnessing my mind from this new angle. I used win win as my test for the thoughts that I witnessed that wouldn’t disappear. Without realizing it, I had resurrected my natural true-and-false discrimination. I found a way to discriminate manually. You see, true will always be win win for all. There is no such thing as a win-lose thought, word, or deed that’s true. Win lose can manifest a reality, but that reality will always be an illusion. That was an incredible insight. Shortly after that insight, I heard a loud voice in my mind that said I would go broke if I continued down this path, and I realized that I didn’t even care. I just wanted my pure mind back. I wanted happy clients or no clients at all. During initiation, the voices in our mind want to stay alive; they will always tell us that horrible things will happen if we let go. But they’re just voices; and once we realize that, they lose their power over us.
This very unusual mental challenge caused me to watch my mind all the time, just like I had done as a child. I realized that I could watch my mind while I was working after all. The voice that told me that I couldn’t do that was a lying voice. In fact, most of the voices in my mind were lying-ass voices. I was letting go like crazy. As I cleaned up my mind, I cleaned up my life. My company was so efficient that I worked less hours; so I had more time to spend with my children. It was then that I could see that life outside of the illusion existed. It was just like I remembered from my childhood. Heaven on Earth was real and true; it was a perspective that caused our reality to be perfect. Unlike others who have claimed to view a heavenly earth while having a near-death experience or a drug-induced vision, I was living my normal life in a normal body.
Shortly after my win-win challenge began, one of my salesmen, John, and I were having lunch. He had a genius idea. He said that I needed to do what I did best. I needed to expose the lies of the computer industry and design great systems. If I spent my time only doing that, word of mouth would surely get around. We wouldn’t need to sell or market anymore. We got to work with our new business model. I fired my entire sales force; and I canceled all of my very expensive advertising contracts. I knew that what John said made sense. I knew it would work because it was win win for all. I made John my contract administrator; he was perfect for the job. He was very detail oriented; and he always followed up with every client to make sure that even their smallest request was fulfilled.
I started giving free seminars that explained how to design a very efficient and effective computer system. I also exposed the lies that were common within my industry. People loved my workshops. They came to my seminars over and over again. In fact, people told me that my events were a spiritual experience. I didn’t know what in the hell they were talking about. What was a spiritual experience? I came to realize that my seminars, and the systems I designed, were a reflection of what I was doing within my mind. I was creating from win win, and I was exposing what was win lose in my mind. Now I do that in my writing. Since my mind was so clear, I was really good at what I did. Today I would say that I was congruent between my thoughts, words, and actions.
It seemed that I had found the magic formula for the perfect life: Do what is true and win win, and expose what is false! Oddly most spiritual teachers were doing the opposite. They were talking about the truth and ignoring what was false. Even if my clients didn’t understand a word I was saying, they came to trust me in those seminars. They loved the results that I got for them. While my competitors’ computer systems paid for themselves over many years, if they paid for themselves at all; the computer systems I designed paid for themselves in months or a year or two at most. It only took me a couple of hours to design a system; it was so easy for me to do. I charged $500 per hour; and people paid it without blinking an eye. Business people don’t care what they pay if you save them more money than they have to spend. That’s just common sense.
Everything others had taught me about business and life was false because they were teaching me from a win-lose, competitive mindset. When we are coming from pure win win, we are coming from our knowing. We are mentally standing outside of the illusion looking in. But we can’t fake that point of view until we make it. We can’t learn how to think in a win-win way. I got to this state of mind because I took all of the win-lose thinking out of my mind. My mind was back to the way it was as a child after about a year of constant witnessing and letting go. I felt like myself again. Also, my eyesight started to improve, which I was told would never happen. I was starting to see that being a know it all wasn’t a bad thing. My third-grade teacher was wrong. If our knowing comes from our True Self, we use it to benefit others as well as ourselves. Win win means that nobody loses. Today, I often hear people say, “When I think I know everything, I’m wrong.” But they’re talking about knowledge. We can never learn enough knowledge to take us back to our True Self. Knowledge takes us deeper into the illusion; and our True Self knowing lives outside of the illusion. Mixing up these two very different perspectives is what I call “level confusion.”
I was back to my childhood mindset. I was so happy, but I wasn’t a child this time. I was an adult; so I was sure that people would listen to me now. But people couldn’t understand what I was talking about. They viewed the illusion as normal; they couldn’t imagine that they held the mental cause for their suffering, problems, disease and more. They couldn’t comprehend how win win could even be possible. I had a completely different perspective than most of the adult world. I could understand them; but they could not understand me. It was like being a ghost. Today, this makes sense, but it didn’t make any sense at all back then.
When people have a belief system, they can’t see outside of that belief system. They treat their belief system as true; and they see an illusory projected reality that manifests from their beliefs. The more I let go, the more I lived outside of everyone’s illusions. So my life just worked. Nevertheless, I could feel the pull to return to the illusion from nearly everyone around me. I didn’t want to lose my point of view again, so I kept my perspective to myself. My life was incredible, and some people did notice the physical effects I created. Often people told me that if they could have anything, it would be my life. I thanked them for the kind words. Others were envious of my life. They were told by con artists that their belief system would give them the life that I had; and so they felt like I had stollen what belonged to them. That wasn’t true; they believed a big lie. Actually, they wanted to steal my life so they could live it from their false beliefs. That’s not win win. When we manifest what we want in an illusion, we don’t realize that we deprive someone else of what they want. The illusion is dual; it’s totally win lose. When I tried to explain this to envious people, I sounded crazy. But not sharing my point of view had caused me to reach a plateau with my eyesight improvement. I needed to get back to being an unapologetic know it all. The end of my full-circle story required me to understand suffering, decode the Bible, and think, speak, and act from my True Self again.
Back to School (Even More of Act II of My Story)
A couple of years later, I felt the urge to go back to school, which was very odd. But I was trying to explain my mind to others again; and nobody understood what I was saying. I still felt that surely someone else could explain my mind. Then I could refer everyone who thought I was crazy to them. I didn’t want to do what I do today. I just wanted to enjoy my life. One day, I saw an ad for an executive program resulting in a master’s degree in psychology. The classes met only one weekend per month, and the university was only about four-hours from where I lived. Everything else for the degree was done at a distance on one’s own time. I thought that would be perfect. Maybe I’d meet others like me; or maybe my professors could help me to understand my mind. I entered the program the next semester; my official major was an M.S. in Transpersonal Psychology, which was a blend of psychology and spirituality or religion. This was a nontraditional university. It wasn’t like my experience with schooling in the past, which I loved. As a bonus, I enjoyed my weekend away every month. It gave me time to really watch my mind without interruption as I took long walks before and after my classes. It was like a vacation every month.
I enjoyed the program very much. For the first time since third grade, my professors wanted to hear what I had to say. So I felt accepted in an educational setting; that was worth its weight in gold. The professors all valued my extremely creative thinking, and they loved my out-of-the-box point of view. But my experience didn’t jive with anything that was part of psychology, religion, or spirituality. So they couldn’t help me to make sense of my mind. Nevertheless, I graduated with a 4.0 grade average, and my professors all urged me to keep going with my ideas. They did feel that I was on to something wonderful.
During my master’s degree program, I’d taken a couple of hypnosis classes; in fact, I’d become certified as a hypnotherapist. I really enjoyed hypnosis; it was like a window into another person’s mind. I knew that mental freedom was possible even if everyone else thought that it wasn’t possible. I was living it. My desire to end suffering had returned to the forefront of my mind; and I wasn’t budging on my desire this time. Around that same time, my master’s degree professors told me about a great Ph.D. program that focus on hypnosis. It was also an alternative program that they thought I would enjoy very much. So I enrolled in that program; it was done entirely at a distance.
I had decided to sell my business about a year earlier. I knew it was time to move on. Once I sold my business, I started doing hypnotherapy part time. But after a couple of sessions, I realized that I couldn’t do hypnosis in the way that I was taught. I’d relax the person and take them back in time like any normal hypnotherapist. Then I would ask them to go further back to just a few minutes before the memory that they wanted to understand or heal. Next, I’d tell them to tell me what they were thinking leading up to the incident. I also had them tell me anything that was said to them by others who were involved in the incident. They always had complete recall. Invariably, they would tell me the causal belief for that incident. I could see the mental cause that produced the physical effect the moment that they spoke it, just like I did as a child when I was eavesdropping on the adults. I knew that if they eliminated that causal belief, the undesirable effect would lose all of its emotional charge. I’d done that so many times in my own mind; I knew that it worked.
As a hypnotherapist, I was in a place of authority. People in hypnosis tend to blindly trust the person conducting the hypnosis session, even if they should not do so. Hypnosis is often used for nefarious means today. So I don’t recommend hypnosis to anyone anymore. I wanted to end suffering, and I saw so clearly that I could help the person to free their mind using hypnosis. I used hypnosis in a win-win way.
The cause of the undesirable incident was always in my client’s mind. In addition, it was always a false belief. My clients had been creating their lives. But they were making a complete mess of their lives because of the beliefs they held in their mind. I found that I couldn’t get people to drop an entire belief system, but they would drop one belief, even if it was part of a bigger belief system. The only time, they wouldn’t let go of the belief was if they viewed it as having a payoff in their present life experience. If that happened, I brought them out of the session; I always honored free will.
I came to realize that if the person had not been under hypnosis, they would have tried to tell me that they needed that causal belief. But I also realized that no one ever came to me after a session and wanted their causal belief back; they didn’t miss it at all. They were very pleased with the improvement in their state of mind, emotional state, and physical effects. In the illusion, we are physically focused; we can’t see that mental cause produces physical effects. In fact, we usually think that the cause is something or someone outside of us. Let me explain this using my third-grade teacher as an example. It wasn’t my teacher who caused my suffering; it was the fact that I believed what she said that caused me so much pain. This is good news; if we have responsibility for our minds or a situation, we have control too.
In the illusion, we use our minds backwards; and that’s what produces the problems, mental and physical diseases, and suffering of all kinds. We also do something that I label “psychological reversal.” Psychological reversal is where our emotions go off when we don’t follow our belief system instead of whenever we think something that is false. I talk about these things in great detail in my articles. So I won’t go into the details here.
After my hypnosis client let go of the causal belief, I’d ask them to replay the previously undesirable (even traumatic) memory. Either they couldn’t remember the troubling memory at all, or they felt totally empowered so that nothing bothered them about the memory anymore. Their past had changed within their mental container. It was as if they had time traveled back to the past and corrected that memory. But they did that without ever leaving the very comfortable reclining chair in the office where I did my sessions. After that session, they didn’t view that aspect of life in the same way anymore. The change in their memory rippled through time; and so, their future looked brighter. That was so cool. Sometimes, they couldn’t even remember why they came for a session; I would hand them their copy of the tape recording and tell them to listen to what happened.
People thought that I should teach my hypnosis technique to others; and hypnosis could heal people’s minds and lives. That sounded like a great idea at first; however, there was one part of my process that I could not teach. I recognized that their causal belief was false because I had already purified my mind. I saw all beliefs as false. If another hypnotherapist did what I did, they wouldn’t see the belief cause as false and related to the undesirable effect. The causal belief was always a normal belief that most people would view as real and true; these weren’t outrageous beliefs. Also, the connection was metaphorical, which made sense to me because I could understand that natural language again. Today, most hypnotherapists add to their client’s minds; they give them new beliefs, affirmative words, or program them to manifest new physical habits. In my experience, those aides will fix one topic and break another. The overall quality of the person’s mind will not improve when hypnosis is done that way. Once again, I’d adapted something normal in the illusion in order to make it win win for all. I was using it in a way that improved a person’s quality of mind. Every technique within the illusion eventually causes mental deterioration.
I saw incredible results from doing these hypnosis sessions, and I loved that; but I wanted more. I didn’t want people to be dependent on me for mental freedom or the end of their suffering. I wanted everyone to be able to free themselves from the illusory prison. Also, doing hypnosis was slow and boring. So I wanted to discover how to achieve the same results without hypnosis. If I was going to have to discover how I processed cause and effect and true and false in order to teach other hypnotherapists, I might as well do it for everyone.
At this point in time, I was working on my Ph.D. I had originally signed up for a Ph.D. in hypnotherapy. But after only one class, the university canceled the program because hypnotherapy wasn’t very popular back then. I switched my major to esoteric studies. I didn’t even know what esoteric studies was at the time; but I liked the sound of the word, and I was following my inspiration. The change turned out to be fortuitous.
Esoteric studies encompassed the hidden side of all religious beliefs. Religion has always been divided up into two aspects. The exoteric side of religion is what normal people are taught; it’s also referred to as the outer circle. The esoteric side of religion is what was hidden from the normal point of view; such teachings were reserved for the inner circle. Today the esoteric is referred to as spirituality, the New Age, or the symbolic view of religion.
It was not easy to find esoteric information because the inner circle wants to keep the meat and potatoes of it hidden. But my professors helped me to find whatever I wanted or needed. Today, many people view the esoteric point of view as true; but it’s not true at all. The exoteric and esoteric are two sides of the same false coin. I was able to see that because both perspectives matched the normal win-lose point of view. They didn’t pass my win-win test.
In this Ph.D. program, I shared what I had come to know with my professors. But I still couldn’t explain how I knew what I knew. Like I said above, this program was done entirely at a distance; and this was prior to the internet. So I sent my very long essays (usually twenty pages or more) to the professors by mail. That meant there was only one copy of each essay. One of my professors called me one day. He said, “I don’t know where you get what you write, but we are actually having fights over who gets your papers first. Keep them coming. You’ve made our department a very fun place to work. We get together for hours after work and discuss what you’ve written. So please don’t stop whatever you are doing. Every other student reads the assigned books, and just repeats what the book says in their essays. We can’t say they are wrong, but they are so boring. We get tired of reading those essays. You take each assigned book to a whole new level that is blowing us away. How do you do that?” I didn’t know how to answer him, and I didn’t even try. I just thanked him for the compliment and promised that I would not disappoint him. Just like my master’s degree professors, these professors enjoyed me and supported me immensely. I was so grateful for that. But they didn’t help me to understand my mind.
During this time, I was starting to decode the occult material in these books without realizing it. I let go of whatever the author of the book said and the opposite, which was the exoteric and esoteric perspectives. That caused me to move out of illusory thinking altogether; what I saw after letting go was what I wrote down for my essay. I viewed my point of view as complete once the essay passed the win-win test. Once again, I got a perfect 4.0 grade average from my professors; but I still couldn’t explain how someone would get to my point of view after being stuck in the illusion.
The schools that I chose used writing as the basis for measurement and grading; again, that was just what I needed. I had never written very much because I worked in accounting and computers. In these two advanced-degree programs, I wrote volumes of essays, a thesis, and a dissertation. I discovered that I loved writing; I became clear-minded when I wrote. When I put words on the page, I could see when my thinking wasn’t pure, or wasn’t win win. I enjoyed the challenge of crafting sentences and trying to describe difficult concepts and ideas in words.
My unique higher education experience opened my eyes to all education. The typical way of teaching and testing is worthless. From my point of view, I could see many ways to view a topic, but only one perspective took me to win win. I could never do true-and-false tests in school because whatever the teacher viewed as true was only a fact within the illusion. It wasn’t actually true. Multiple-choice tests were often confusing as well; very often, the teacher wasn’t clear in their wording of the question. So I could see how more than one answer could be correct. I didn’t want my children to have to deal with such things. The oldest two had been in a wonderful private school, which was very expensive; and my youngest was about to enter kindergarten. Children need support from the adults in their life; they need the support that I got from my master’s and Ph.D. program professors. I was so lucky to have had that experience where my free thinking was validated and enjoyed. Without those wonderful people, I might have given up on my desire to end suffering and bring freedom to all. I would have thought that no one would ever enjoy my point of view. I didn’t take that wonderful experience lightly. I wanted to give that same sort of experience to my children.
Our true talents are often ignored or devalued in traditional schooling. In fact, the stated purpose of education is to manifest a society of people who all think the same way. The elite occultists who rule the world don’t want kids challenging the status quo, or they could lose their false power. Teachers test memory with multiple choice or true and false questions, and that’s what education wants from us…memorized information. You cannot evaluate creativity or original thinking with such testing methods. You evaluate such things with writing and doing. The traditional method of education sends the most free-minded students the message that their gifts and interests are worthless in the world. They can’t beat the system; so usually, they join the system at some point in time. But they are never, ever satisfied with their lives. They spend their life longing for something more. Consequently I chose to take my children out of school and unschool them.
Unschooling is about trusting the True Self of the child. You don’t teach the child. You support the child in learning on their own based on their natural desires and abilities. People find it odd that my children did want to learn everything that was essential for life, like reading, writing, and arithmetic. But in the unschool point of view, you let the child choose when they want to learn such things. When my children learned such things on their own terms and timing, they learned the subject in days or weeks…not years. So they had enormous time to pursue their interests and desires. Unschooling turns school into a natural part of life. An unschooled child never stops learning. They don’t associate school with a building, a calendar, or even books. Learning happens for the unschooled child all the time. In addition, unschooling is all about understanding the subject at hand…it doesn’t involve any memorization.
I saw this so clearly when my youngest son taught himself to read by watching me read to him. He never had to learn phonics or read those stupid “Dick and Jane” books. The first book he read was an adult book about the actor, Jackie Chan; he found the book in the local library. He taught himself to write, spell, grew a big vocabulary, and learned grammar by chatting with gamers online. He didn’t want them to know he didn’t go to school, so he made sure that he knew how to communicate well. Every subject was this way for him. You see, life gave him exactly what he needed to motivate him to learn what he would need later in life. His True Self had the big picture of his life. No teacher or parent can improve on a child’s True Self. I never taught my children unless they asked me for help. That’s when they had the inner motivation to listen to what I said. Otherwise, it was just a waste of time.
Today my three grown children are very different and really creative human beings. They are all successful entrepreneurs, who love their work; and none of them went to college. They lived my graduate-degree experience while growing up, so they didn’t need higher education. They helped me to understand how to best support someone in fulfilling their dreams. But they didn’t have beliefs or baggage to let go. So I still had to determine how I would use unschooling with adults.
Here’s another example of where my unusual way of thinking was valued. On this website, there’s a link to a little book and a short course called “Unlocking Heaven’s Gate.” That was a project that I did as part of a workshop on writing nonfiction. I did that class before I wrote a word of my blogs. There were about 250 participants in this course. We met online. The instructor wanted to meet with each of us individually by phone so that he could learn about our projects and help us if we needed it. I was call number 248. I told him about my little book, and he wanted to talk to me all day. He said, “Let me tell you a little secret. I’ve just heard 247 different versions of the law of attraction and positive thinking. You are the first person with an original idea.” We had a good laugh about that; but of course, he wanted me to explain how I got my original ideas. I realized that I still couldn’t explain it. It was like no words would come out of my mouth.
I heard about law of attraction when it was brand new; and I thought there might be something to it at first. Then I saw everyone jumping on that bandwagon, and I knew it was false. I did eventually decode that theory; I explain why it’s completely false in the Gold Circle. Original ideas come from a free mind without any beliefs. It’s as simple as that. It’s easy to say; but when someone doesn’t have a free mind, the words don’t make any sense. I’m talking to someone whose mind is in a different perspective from mine. I can join them in their perspective; but then, my quality of mind and life deteriorates. They can’t get to my perspective without letting go.
A new belief system is never the truth. People love to hear about new beliefs systems; but often, they don’t like to hear that their old belief systems are false. That’s because we are programmed to keep adding to our minds. Every time we add beliefs to our mind, we go deeper into the illusion. That guarantees that the status quo will never lose their false power.
One more very unusual, but fortuitous, thing happened to me during my master’s degree program. I had to take a class on world religions. I wasn’t fond of that class. I didn’t like any religion. So I daydreamed a lot during the lecture part of the class. One day, the professor was talking about Jesus; and my mind went to an inner vision that was very real. I saw a man, who may have been Jesus, being initiated. It was like a movie in my mind that lasted a few minutes; but it seemed like hours. I heard that man’s teacher say that now he had a pure mind; he’d completed initiation. He congratulated him on his incredible accomplishment. The teacher said that the man was now a creator in the image and likeness of the Creator. That was the first time that I’d ever heard the term “initiation.” But I wanted to know (or remember) more. I felt like this was what I had been looking for; and now, I thought that perhaps it was encoded in the story of Jesus.
World religion was the last class for my master’s degree. I decided to research initiation and see if I could find initiation in Jesus’s story for my master’s thesis. In fact, I found that many secret societies had beliefs supporting that very concept. But their beliefs were hidden from the public…they were esoteric. The confusion around Jesus would all make sense once I did the Ph.D. program in esoteric studies. I would be able to see both sides of that fake coin.
I didn’t know how to decode stories yet. So often, I would just sit and relax; I’d focus on the idea of initiation with a completely open mind. I had many visions on the topic; they all added to what I’d seen in my religion class. I recorded the visions in a journal, then I set out to decode the visions to decide if they were true, i.e., win win for all, or false. The win-win test had become my basis for determining if anything was true or false. It never let me down.
Like I said above, I came to realize that my win-win test took me to my True Self’s point of view. Our True Self is our personal spark of the Creator from Genesis I of the Bible. Since the Creator would know everything that was true, our True Self would be all-knowing…or a know-it-all if you use my third-grade teacher’s label. That inciting incident defined my life story. I’d later learn that the same sort of incident occurred in the macrocosm; the all-knowing initiates were viewed as bad or evil know it alls. Thousands of years ago, people were trained by occultists who were power hungry to reject the all-knowing ones (the initiates); they were taught to trust people the occult knowledge and beliefs. It was the occultists who were the real smart-ass know-it-alls. This level confusion has not gone away. I came to realize that my life story was all about reversing that error in the macrocosm by reversing it in my own microcosm.
The Genesis II God was a false deity who was the basis of all win-lose thinking. The false God’s point of view manifested the collective illusion and all western belief systems; such thinking never passed the win-win test. When we think like the false God, and we are all trained to do so even if we aren’t raised in religion, we get stuck in the illusion with the fallen point of view. People spend lifetime after lifetime moving back and forth from eastern beliefs to western beliefs, exoteric to esoteric, religious to spiritual; but they never exit the illusion. They have been convinced that the illusion is real and true. They have forgotten about the True Self’s point of view because their beliefs covered it up.
My first official decode was Jesus’s story. His story had always bothered me. People quoted and told his story in ways that made Jesus enormously superior…a God; however, the Jesus that I read about in the Bible never painted himself as superior. He also didn’t view us as inferior. Besides, I didn’t see Jesus as a man who died for people’s sins; after all, people were still sinning. So if he did that, it didn’t work. I found a lot of evidence that his story was a composite story that had been told all over the world in different ways. All of those stories were initiation stories when they were properly decoded. Slowly this ability to decode was coming to me. It would be a game changer.
In esoteric secret societies, Jesus was described as a man who became a God via initiation. Exoteric religion was backwards; they made Jesus a God who died like a man. The esoteric and exoteric were always opposites. The elite, who had the superior esoteric knowledge rose to the top of the pyramid of power (within the illusion); and the masses who had the inferior exoteric knowledge sunk to the bottom. But like I said above, both sides were false.
My decoding was very slow at first. I would sit and let go of everything I thought I knew about the part of Jesus’s story that I was working on. Often it was only one sentence or one paragraph. After fully letting go, I would see that part of the story in a way that was nothing like exoteric religion and nothing like esoteric secret teachings, which were usually symbolic in nature. Little by little, the whole story became congruent and beautiful with no contradictions or confusion. It was now win win for all. I had the initiate’s point of view for Jesus’s story, and it validated everything that I had discovered about my own mind. Finally, I understood my mind. Who would’ve thought that I’d discover what I was looking for in that damn Bible?
I realized that Jesus’s story and many other such stories were originally written by initiates; but the stories were hijacked by occultists who twisted the stories so that they would look like the initiated ones. It took me a long time to decode Jesus’s story, so only a small part of my decode made it into my master’s thesis. I wanted to shout what I’d found to the world. However, I realized that I couldn’t do that. Religious people would not like that I was declaring their point of view false. Also, if people put my decode on top of their religious or spiritual beliefs because they liked what I wrote, I feared that it would do more damage to their mind. It would make it harder for them to let go later on. These decodes were validation for me, and that was awesome. But once again, they didn’t help others. How do I help someone exit the illusion and gain a free mind? That had become my most burning desire; I was simply unwilling to believe that people could not get free of the illusion. I was unwilling to believe that suffering could not be eliminated from the earth.
The question of how to use my decodes to help, not harm, became the backdrop for my Ph.D. experience and dissertation. I wanted to continue to decode Jesus’s story, but I also I wanted to create an initiation experience that mirrored what was done in ancient temples without anyone having to go live in such a temple. I tried to do research on ancient initiation. I couldn’t find much. Most people who wrote about ancient initiation were channeling the information; or it was esoteric in flavor, which meant it was hard to find and needed decoding. Fortunately, I was able to get access to some of that hidden information in the library that I used; also, some underground resources were recommended by my Ph.D. professors. I was doing most of this prior to the internet. The occultists had tampered with everything that originally came from the initiates, but my decoding allowed me to peer through the lies into the mindset of the initiate. In my dissertation, I boldly declared that both the esoteric and exoteric points of view were both false. I was never that direct in my many essays, which had been so well received.
For the first time since I began these advanced degrees, I was nervous about turning my dissertation into my professors; they were all heavily biased toward the esoteric point of view. But I wasn’t going to compromise my dissertation for a diploma. I let go until I got to the point where I didn’t care about getting the degree. If they denied me a diploma, I was fine with that. I’d gotten what I needed from the experience, and I was never going to use the degree anyway. I had something far better than any degree could ever give me.
A few weeks after I sent in my dissertation, I got a call from the university that it was time to defend my dissertation. We set up a time to do it via conference call; and the first thing they said to me was, “Holy shit, there is nothing for you to defend. We’ve never read anything like this. We just wanted to talk to you and ask questions about how this came to you.” For me, it was all just common sense. But it was a fun discussion. I always enjoyed talking to those professors; they were privy to the elite point of view, but they weren’t arrogant about it. Today most would view them as the root of all problems; but I came to understand their point of view even if I didn’t believe it was true. Today, I can understand the globalists because of my relationship with those professors. The globalists are not evil; they are nothing but occultists who have become too extreme and far too greedy for their own good. The elite don’t have free minds even if they pretend to; they are no better than us. In fact, I’d say that their minds are worse than ours. We actually have far more power than we realize.
By this time in my life, I realized that I didn’t want anything in the illusion. I couldn’t practice hypnosis as it was taught. I couldn’t practice psychology as it was taught. I didn’t design computer systems like anyone else did. I didn’t like traditional meditation. While doing my thesis and dissertation, I couldn’t quote science; it was so insufficient. At one point, I took an elective course in astrology; and I redesigned it as a tool for freedom. My professors were shocked, but they loved what I did. No matter what topic I picked up, I was soon proving that the normal perception of that topic was FALSE. I was so clear that we were never meant to have any beliefs in our mind. Beliefs always limit us, even if they appear to be good or true-sounding.
I had found the end of suffering, and it seemed that no one wanted it or could understand it. This wasn’t the happily-ever-after ending to my story that I desired. I realized that my life was mirroring the disappearance of initiation. No one wanted what the ancient initiates had to offer because the occult rulers promised the people nirvana and eternal heaven after death. People didn’t realize that the occult leaders were liars and con artists; they didn’t realize that they would never keep their promises. We still see this played out today by the globalist leaders; and people keep falling into the same old trap.
If I had kept following the physical history of the initiates, I’d have backed off and disappeared into the wilderness. But I couldn’t do that. First of all I had a family to care for. But also, I couldn’t allow people to suffer. I rationalized that the people at the top of the pyramid of power would have too much to give up; so they wouldn’t want to let go. But perhaps the people who lived somewhere in the middle of the pyramid who didn’t like their belief system would be interested. That was my target audience when I started my blog…people who were sick of being treated like they had nothing to offer. People who had genius within that they could not access because of their false programming and beliefs.
Doing the decode of Jesus’s story was one of the most enjoyable things that I’d ever done. I was on fire with wanting to decode everything from myths to ancient texts to contemporary stories. So I thought I’d keep doing what I enjoyed and see where it took me. By this time, I had even written a story myself. It was called “The Legend;” I did put a very light decode of that story in the free material. I’ll talk about that story more in the last section of this article.
I had to discover why others were not able to let go like I was. I had to discover why people didn’t see cause and effect like I did or why win win sounded like a foreign concept. So I took a very long and difficult journey. I went deep into the illusion and found my way back out multiple times. People couldn’t come to me, so I needed to go to them.
You see, I knew how to get out of the illusion naturally because I’d always watched my mind; and I could discriminate and let go without thinking about it. But that didn’t do anyone else a damn bit of good. So I put myself in other people’s shoes; I started with my husband. I completely submitted to him, and he projected all of his beliefs on to me. It took me about a decade to escape his illusion. Once I was in his illusion, it looked real and true to me too. I didn’t see any exits. The win-win test didn’t work anymore; and I had no discrimination. I realized that people got stuck because what I was experiencing happened to them as a young child. It was hard for me to escape this programming as an adult. A child didn’t have a chance.
I persisted, and I discovered how he could get free from his illusion, which mostly involved western religious and cultural beliefs, as well as social beliefs. I let go of everything he projected on me, and I was free-minded again. The most important thing to come out of that experience was the ability to let go from the feminine role; that was a game changer. That meant that people without authority could let go. In fact, that was what I needed to let go of my issue with my third-grade teacher. Our inciting incidents all happen to us when we are in the feminine role, and that sets us up so that we can’t let go of the illusion even when we are adults. My husband wasn’t interested in my findings; but that didn’t matter. I always honor free will.
Even though letting go would be beneficial for everyone because it was win win for all, I wasn’t going to impose it on anyone…not even my own husband. I knew that what I’d discovered worked because I’d done it myself. That allowed me to complete my relationship with my husband. It all worked out perfectly for both of us. I also discovered the triangle process as a result of that deep dive; and that was another extremely valuable letting-go tool. That deep dive ultimately became a large part of the free material.
Eventually, I could see that the free material wasn’t enough. I needed to know how to free people who were stuck in eastern religion, the New Age, science, psychology, self-help, medicine, politics, cults and more. So I did the Gold Circle. In the Gold Circle, I had an original group of about forty people. I went into their illusions on topic after topic. Again, I allowed them to project their beliefs on to me. Then I wrote my way out of their illusion. I developed the Three Steps, the character game, and other tools that made letting go easier and more fun while doing that. I also exposed an incredible amount of beliefs as false. Once I demonstrated that a belief was truly false, it was easier for people to let go. Basically, I showed people how to let go by doing it for them (and with them) until they got the hang of it. I explained what I did in many different ways until they started to catch on.
I’ve been in and out of the illusion hundreds of times. Going into the illusion was very hard; and at times, I regretted doing it. But I developed something that I never had before I did those deep dives…true compassion. Today, I can love another unconditionally even when they hate me. I understand why they feel the way they do. I know that they are just doing to me what someone else did to them. Hatred is what leads to suffering; and when we hate someone who loves us unconditionally, we are really stuck. I don’t see anyone as a bad person anymore. I only see a lot of people who are stuck in false belief systems. They don’t realize that life outside the illusion exists YET!
The Answer: “The Legend” and Gateway to Gold (Act III of My Story)
The most important decode that I ever did was “The Legend.” Just after I sold my business in 1997, I woke up one night from a deep sleep at exactly 3:00 AM with a story stuck in my mind. I didn’t want to get up because it was a cold, winter night; but the story would not leave my mind. So, I gave in. I got up and wrote down the story on my laptop computer. Then I spent over a decade decoding that story. I knew that the story was important. But I honestly didn’t have a clue how to start decoding “The Legend” until I discovered how to decode Jesus’s story for my master’s thesis. After Jesus’s decode, I started to notice similarities between the two stories. I also started to see correlations between “The Legend” and the story of Adam and Eve. The characters and plot were very different, but the perception from which they were written was the same.
These stories were like an iceberg. On the surface, they were presented as occult stories; and they didn’t look like much. Under the surface of the iceberg was the true meaning; and it was huge and powerful. Once I knew what to look for, I could see the same true and false perspectives in many other ancient stories from the East and the West. Stories had been interpreted from a different lens in the East and the West. But when you decoded them, you could see how they all originally came from the same unified mindset…our True Selves. These stories had all fallen over time because we were trained to view only the surface of the iceberg.
My decodes are very much like someone reverse engineering an invention or deconstructing a delicious meal. I realized that humans of the past were not grunting cavemen. Humans used to be geniuses, and our ancestors were dumbed down with beliefs and false programming. To keep us dumbed down, letting go was hidden. But now, it was hidden no more. Occultists today say that they love to hide the truth in plain sight, and that is what they have been doing with stories for a very long time.
“The Legend” was basically a map of the human mind in story form. After I decoded it, I could FINALLY explain the difference between what I now call the physical or illusory perspective, which includes all beliefs, versus what I call “the true mental perspective.” The characters and the events in all of the stories that I decoded were never real physical beings; they were all metaphors for different aspects of our mind. Many would label such characters archetypes today; but that term has also been hijacked by the occultists. Stories were misunderstood because we lost our true-mental point of view, and the true-mental point of view was our natural point of view.
“The Legend” gave me a way of explaining the mind and the two different levels of perception with ease. It was like finding a gold mine. Therefore, “The Legend” has become the keystone of everything I write, especially in the Gold Circle where I decode it in depth. What I’ve decoded in “The Legend” was tested each time I dove into the illusion and got myself back to freedom. My decode of that story has never let me down.
Now I was clear that “The Legend” didn’t just belong to me. It belonged to everyone. But once again, I had to be careful. People are too inclined to take something like my decode and learn it or teach it. That would render the story impotent, just like so many other stories today. That would turn it into more beliefs that everyone would memorize. We can’t get free that way. “The Legend” was a sort of Rosetta Stone for the human mind. It wasn’t meant to be memorized; it was meant to be an aide to freeing our minds.
The only way to permanently change our outer life is to change our inner life.
When we fix the mental cause, we fix the physical effect.
I’m glad that I didn’t know how long this project would take. I’m sure that I would not have done it. It’s almost like my life tricked me into doing all of this by only giving me one step of the process at a time. I never had the big picture of where I was going. I just knew that I cared very much about people, and I wanted everyone to have a free mind if they wanted it. I knew that freeing our mind leads to joy, peace, unconditional love, unity, equality, compassion, and the end of suffering of all kinds. Those are the things that people say they want.
Today, everything about my life makes sense. My life is becoming a full-circle story on every topic you can imagine and some that you probably can’t imagine. I’m very glad that I lived this life, even thought it wasn’t easy. I now know that ancient initiation was a gentle but steady movement toward our true, authentic Selves. The Gold Circle and the Golden Gateway recreate a modern version of ancient initiation. I suspect that initiation temples became popular after the occult had gathered a lot of power. We are not going back to initiation temples; we are going back to where we originally started…not cavemen…free-minded beings who lived from our True Selves.
I started Gateway To Gold right after I sold my business in 1997. I didn’t have a clue what the name meant. It just came to me one day. When I ordered my checkbook, the name came back as “Gateway To God.” I guess they thought I was a church. But God was another hijacked word. In initiation, we don’t go toward the false God of religion (Genesis II); we become a creator in the image and likeness of the Creator God (Genesis I). Those are two very different destinations.
The name Gateway To Gold pays homage to the ancient concept of initiation. GOLD refers to the sun. In ancient times, the sun was a metaphor for the Creator God. That was simply because the sun was unconditional. It shines on everyone even if they have committed a crime or spoke about the Creator unkindly. It’s completely forgiving. Our True Self is like the sun. Gold also refers to mental alchemy or the alchemical marriage, which happens naturally within our mind as we let go. The masculine and feminine aspects of our mind come together as a power team. In the end, initiation gives us the keys to open the GATEWAY and return to Eden, the land of Gold.
I developed my other website, No Labels No Lies, in order to share the basics of letting go. I wanted lots of short articles that people could use to start the process of freeing their minds. This site has information that basically explains how we got into this mess. Those who wanted to move more quickly, go more deeply into the mind, and were interested in total freedom could join the Gold Circle. After people finished the Gold Circle, they could join the Golden Gateway where I share my decodes. The decodes are not just interesting reading, they aide the initiate in expanding their freedom so that they can retain their freedom in any time, any place, and with even when surrounded by the most staunch believers on any topic. Initiation is our rebirth; the born again label of religion was another hijacked term. In ancient times, the Egyptian initiates said that one died when they got stuck in the illusion; and they were reborn when they exited the illusion.
In thirty plus years of doing this work, I’ve never found an except to initiation as I present it today. I’ve never found a belief that I could not let go. You don’t have to plug any cracks with faith or trust in initiation; it just works IF you do it. Initiation is not something you can fake; it you try to fake it, you will end up going even deeper into the illusion. Then you have to dig yourself out. It’s never too late for initiation. As long as you are breathing, you can let go. We humans have so much to give; and we all have a unique expression that no one else can give but us. But we can’t give that true expression until we are free. Initiation is the gateway to a golden future that we can’t even imagine until we get there.
So often, people tell me that they just want to help others; they want to make the world a better place. Well they’ve found the answer to that desire by coming to my websites. Every time we let a belief go, we expose and free a little bit of the collective illusion. Our letting go is the only true way to help others, and we can do it while sipping wine on the beach or watching a movie. The biggest difference between initiation and the illusion is that we don’t fish for others in initiation; we help everyone to fish for themselves. When we expose beliefs as false either privately or publicly (I do both), we help people to free their own minds. Little by little, the entire world gains from our initiation efforts. That’s why I’m optimistic about the future of planet earth. Initiation is THE win-win-for-all path.
Today, I can finally describe letting go to just about anyone who is interested. I’ve also proven that if someone does the letting-go process manually, they will eventually find themselves letting go automatically. Every time we let go of something false, a little bit of our True Self comes out of that locked closet. Eventually, our True Self rules our mind again. Then we have that “something” with us all the time.
I wanted to bring initiation back to life; and I had to go into the illusion to do so. I told myself at five years old that I’d be willing to suffer if others could have freedom. I meant what I said. Going into other people’s illusions was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. At times, I didn’t know if I’d survive. But today, I know exactly how suffering is manifested within our human minds; and with the help of “The Legend,” I can share what I know in a way that others can understand. I can’t make anyone do what I suggest. I can’t wave a magic wand and make everything perfect. But I’m finally at peace knowing that I found the way to end suffering. Also I said that I’d have to decode that damn Bible, and I did. In fact, I’m still decoding it; there are a lot of great stories in that crazy book.
Initiation is not an easy path; and people have to fight their old programming and beliefs in order to gain the freedom they deserve. That is Act III of their story. I found the way out, and I do what I can to make it easier for others. Initiation is what brings us to the happily-ever-after ending of our full-circle stories. Everyone deserves to return to their True Self when they decide that they are ready to do so. Initiation will become easier as more people travel the path. For right now, initiation is still like a newly cut path in the forest. The first people who travel on a new path have it pretty rough; but the people who take the path after it’s been there for a while have it easier and easier. One day, initiation will be normal and natural. It’s up to all of us to make that day come sooner rather than later.
Thank you for supporting my website. Your freedom and success with initiation is my greatest reward. I hope you are enjoying my articles, and you’ve gotten to experience the art of letting go. If you are enjoying letting go, and you want to go all the way, consider joining the Gold Circle. Initiation is alive again, and the ability to be a creator in the image and likeness of the Creator is available to us all.
When taking a long hike, it’s nice to meet a friend on the path who warns you of obstacles ahead or helps you to traverse dangerous terrain. When you meet that friend, it’s a wonderful moment where you feel like it’s possible to reach your destination. Mentally speaking, I’m just like the friend that you met on that hike. I help you to reach your destination a little more safely, a little more easily, and a little more quickly. But in the end, you will say, “I did this myself.” You will have a great full-circle story to tell.
With Much Love, Cathy