Fighting the Clone

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Damien 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #3988

    Anonymous

    Haha! Very true C. I had a couple minutes of lock out. It came after my email to you about the ‘big kahuna’ (Capt. Kirk) in my story. I took a break, let go some and got back on with no problems. So funny how desperate they are to have us play second fiddle characters in THEIR stories. Bleh. ūüĖĖ

  • #3978

    Damien
    Participant

    Hi Cathy,

    I‚Äôm not sure on the line of questioning to get to the cause. I ‚Äėknow‚Äô it‚Äôs there, like a mental wall and I‚Äôm trying to find a loose brick.

    When I was younger. I did well to keep emotions supressed, except anger and irritation and at times fear, fear replaced anger when it was of no use. Then I’d supress again.

    When doing the writing exercises I came to some surppressed memories. I found a pattern i kinda picked up on before. The writing really helped me to see I did this with my emotions. If something terrible had happened, in my head I would exasperate it as much as i could in my mind, making sure I felt every ounce of emotion I could around it. I’d keep going and going until I had no more. Then when I came back to the reality of the situation, it wasnt that bad and I buried it. Then I could continue in the authority false masculine role. This is where I learned recently that all I did was project weakness where I was strong. I didn’t see then it was false, I do now. When I really think about it, my clone must have wanted others being weak, to project it, so it could show how I was strong. Like previous false masculines did to me. My intentions good, but still false. That was an eye opener.

    I recall ‚Äėkelly‚Äô from the call, I think it was, saying it almost seems too easy to let go. I hit the same thing. That ‚Äėtoo good to be true‚Äô came up. I let that go. I had to let go after the desires article. I got stuck, i appeared to have none. I wanted to know unconditional love, i wanted freedom so I knew I had these and I let go of not having any. I may never know how i found your site because i wasnt religeous and i was only 3 months in to looking at spiritualism. But my questions banging in my head all these years bought me to you and I knew I wanted freedom. It was after the post on western meditation and then I listened to the call on step 3. I love the steps but hadn‚Äôt quite grasped step 3 until I listened to the call. This emotional build up always hanging around at different intensities around my chest. I concentrated on the area, waiting for anything to pop up. Some things did but nothing big. I let them go, It eased off. For the 1st time in years. I was quite joyous about this. About an hour later it was gone. I thought ‘maybe because Im preoccupied’, i know theres more. Sure enough it came back, just before I went to sleep. I did the same thing and tried to watch it. Nothing came up but it started to clear again. It kept doing this, coming and going and I stated to get irritated. Like it hid everytime i focussed on it. I stopped to let go on that, then I became incensed with anger by this point. Something not experienced for some time now. I laid awake until 3am after beating the sofa up. I woke up the following morning, there was nothing there. No emotion, no thought. Now I‚Äôm at this wall still trying to find a lose brick. I read the clone article. I struggled about half way through so took a break. Then i couldnt get back on. That‚Äôs when your response made perfect sense. Got back on today and kept re-reading. It‚Äôs starting to become clear but this mental walls still up. I can‚Äôt find the questions. I‚Äôm more intellect (using the tem lightly ūüėä) so I find step one in WM fairly easy, this made more sense during the call. So not quite sure on what I might be missing. This is a new one for me. I wanted to see if you could recognise a pattern I‚Äôm missing so excuse the lengthy post. If I was to ask my missus she‚Äôd think I was speaking mandarin!

    Excuse the lengthy post guys, I was going to save questions for the call but understand other people will want to talk too ūüėä

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  Damien.
    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  Damien.
    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  Damien.
    • #3989

      Anonymous

      That was me with the ‘too easy’ comment Damien. I’ve hit those moments many, many times. And I think it’s just something that our True Selves know but the clone fights. At times when I’m feeling stuff in my body and can’t really bring up questions/emotions, I have to ask if it’s even mine? Kinda sounds like you may be playing ‘ping-pong’ with a projection. (I love that analogy Cathy gave us! It makes so much sense once you get a bit of distance from your clone.) I’ve also had the hide-and-seek happen too. Trying to coax it out may help. But in my experience, sometimes I just have to let go and know that it’ll come up when it’s time for it to come up.

      • #3999

        Damien
        Participant

        It seems lately the ‘too easy’ is on something much bigger and it gets tricky. I’ve been making loads of progress but, recently it feels like a few steps back. It’s like I make some progress and when I hit a block this thought pops up, ‘you fucked it up, now your stuck’. Another thought pattern I have to keep letting go

        I’ve looked at the Ping-Pong and I can see my it’s my clone. I have been letting go around this but it seems there’s something bigger. I know I’m on the cusp of it but, it’s like my clone wants to hold onto it. It muddies the waters when I try to go into it.

        I’ll keep working on it and ask some questions on the call. Or I’ll end up writing an essay as above!

        Thank you Shera, your comments were helpful.

  • #3976

    Cathy
    Keymaster

    A few people this week have literally gotten stuck, unable to get on the site. I was surprised at first until I thought, “Oh I just put up the clone article.” So I gave them each an assignment. Who in your life doesn’t want you to get free? Often our clone has been the lead character in our story for a very long time. It says, “What the fuck, you mean that you are going to take the lead from me, mwah? Recently, I saw a film about Leonard Nimoy. When Star Trek was created, William Shatner was cast in the lead role as Captain Kirk. But the people fell deeply in love with Nimoy’s character, Spock. This created a love-hate relationship between the two that never ended. You are Spock, but Shatner says the role of lead is his. That’s a clone battle. All you can do is let go of what gives Captain Kirk his power until he realizes that he doesn’t deserve the lead. He is your supporting character. But he isn’t going to give up the lead until you are clear who is the lead character. Who is writing and directing this damn story?

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