Does this make any sense?

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Sarah 1 month ago.

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  • #6417

    Sarah
    Participant

    In NLNL – Escaping the Feminine role there’s a paragraph “Life in the illusion has a way of pulling us into the feminine. Eventually, we retire from our expert or authority job. Our body gives out; we can no longer be the sports star. Our kids grow up. It looks like we’ve lost our mojo; it feels terrible unless we understand what’s occurring. Our feminine self needs healing.”. I’m nit sure of the way out or maybe I’m not sure what the beliefs could be to let go. Is it as simple as things such as “We all age and have to give up what we love”. When things feel so true it can feel like concrete.

    Hang on it is stuff like that. It’s just my mind shuts up off kind of blocks things once I hear a true sounding statement. I see that now.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  Sarah.
  • #6355

    Amanda
    Participant

    I’m starting to really catch myself when I get lost in reasons. I’ve had quite a few “whoa, that suddenly makes sense!” moments, and the desire to hold onto that feeling is strong! There’s always a thought of “I can’t let myself forget that, I might need to use it to defend myself later.”.
    I also realized how deeply I believe that what other people think and do affects me. I really am so outer-directed in that I think they can really hurt me by believing things that are obviously false. There’s a lot of circular reasoning (and judgement, if I’m honest) involved, so I’m just going to have to chip away at it.
    The nausea has improved quite a bit lately after reaching a peak, however, my eldest daughter is experiencing what sounds like the same thing!! It’s not new for her (unfortunately), but it seems worse? I’m not sure if I’m projecting, or if my husband is the cause. I’m inclined to think it’s him and not me because I don’t even know how to suppress my own emotions, but I’ll have to keep working on it. I still too often think of her as being “just like me”. Ugh.
    Just thought I’d share a little update. It’s like a rollercoaster sometimes between things being clear and feeling sure I must be involved in something insane 😂

    • #6366

      Cathy
      Keymaster

      You are probably feeling the emotions that your husband should feel. So you have to just recognize that you are in the feminine role with him, and start letting go from the feminine. After being in a role for awhile, our body just goes into the same defense mode over and over again. So the body is just telling you to stop playing the role and to let go. You shouldn’t have to feel his emotions, but you must think you do. So I’d look at those beliefs.

      You kind of have to extract yourself from the situation and just slow your thoughts down and let go one by one. But you won’t get permanent relief until you let go of the belief in his character that is causing the reaction in you. He has to sound silly when he says something false. If he looks scary, then you have a belief that allows that. So I’d work on your husband’s character. Let his thoughts roll out of his character one at a time and let them go. You must realize that every thought that he thinks is false, and that is why you feel emotion. This isn’t a five minute fix. I worked on this for years.

      The problem is that he thinks his thoughts are true, and you are believing they are or that you have to take them in. I did the same thing. When you actually get that their thinking is false, then you stop taking them in. You stay in power and you can stand up for yourself. You might even start to impact their thinking. Then your daughter won’t be affected. I’d look at your beliefs too on why you think you need to believe him. Or why what others think matters to you. Those things will cause you to get stuck in circular reasoning and it just keeps getting worse and worse until you do feel sick.

      You can’t stop others from thinking crap about you. But you can stop believing them. Then they feel their own emotion.

    • #6359

      Sarah
      Participant

      Amanda re the nausea, if you’re directly involved in something you’re trying to witness and let go of it can be tricky especially if it involed your child too. Ive had that, different circumstances. A couple of things I’m using to encourage the shift is to not label the emotion, stick with it’s a sensation and sometimes things pop up then in my mind that are easier to follow and release. The other thing I’ve noticed is that I can have reactions to my sensations that are typical and that I’ve done over and over, same sensation, same reaction repeat repeat repeat. I stop now as I’m about to react to it in my usual way and I let go of how I’m going to react. It’s meant my sensations are shorter lived. Im not sure if that could help you.

  • #6176

    Cathy
    Keymaster

    It sounds a bit like you are going toward the reasoning mind rather than just sitting with the emotions and listening. Often when a topic is really charged, we go into intellectual thinking and reasoning to reduce the charge, but it does the opposite. So it is best to just bring up the topic and do some western meditation with it. Just keep it gentle. Don’t force anything. Try to just witness it and see if things lighten up a bit. Look for shoulds, like I should have done this or that. Or he should do this or that.

    Also, I used to get confused when someone was doing something stupid that I had the right to judge…of course, they were doing something bad. But that caused the body reactions for me. My body was saying, “let him call you a bitch. He has the right of free speech.” I was stuck in step two. You see, we don’t have the right to tell someone to talk or not talk. But what happens is that we make up reasons and give it meaning. So you have to let all that go too. As you work around it, you’ll find it easier to go into the bigger emotions. But it isn’t something you can take out all at once. You have to work a little at a time. Any progress is good progress.

    My biggest progress is often made when I’m not trying to fix anything or make progress. I’m more relaxed and able to witness with more clarity. Hope that helps.

    • #6187

      Amanda
      Participant

      It does. I do get stuck in reasoning a lot and I still suck at getting past step 2.
      I have gotten a lot of clarity on so many things lately- I’ve got to be more careful to let that go too.
      I’ve realized I’m not very strong at staying in the witness aspect for very long. The new post really made me realize that! As soon as I find a belief, I start to argue with it. I think it’s a false self thing, or maybe my husband’s clone (the more I explore my mind, the less I see any clone of my own at all). I don’t know yet, but I do know I can’t give up- and I’m trying to just trust that because I want it so much, I’ll figure it out!

  • #6157

    Sarah
    Participant

    Extreme emotions can be tricky can’t they sounds like you are sick of your husband’s silent treatment etc but it’s there and it’s something to let go of if you can. Where does the violent part come in – is there something else you can let go of around that? Perhaps do it a little more gently or in smaller sections if you can.

    • #6158

      Amanda
      Participant

      I’ve been trying to pull up memories of all the times I’ve experienced the feeling. It seems to be related to something like “I’m about to make a big mistake”… I’ve usually said or done something I didn’t want to do or knew was bad, or simply just wasn’t “me”, (most recently I reacted badly to something my husband said, I think I fell into one of his stupid traps- I left the situation really confused and upset, but I think I see it more clearly now).
      I wonder if the puking is punishing myself or something? I don’t know, I’m finding it really difficult. It’s like I can sort of see that it’s related to me, but I can’t quite grasp what it is yet.
      Maybe it’s a really strong warning I’m going the wrong way, and then I’m beating the hell out of myself for fucking up (“I make myself sick” thoughts).

      • #6160

        Sarah
        Participant

        I wonder if you think it’s your fault for his behaviour? Or blaming yourself for not reacting well or for it happening at all? I don’t know. I only know it takes some time to get to the bottom of things. It has for me but I’m glad I stuck with it. Keep us posted.

  • #6132

    Amanda
    Participant

    I have been stalled for a while working on my husband’s character. In my mind, he’s giving me the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, I realized that my mind is constantly pulling his tricks on me- I’m hoping that this realization will help me break through.
    However, I’m struggling because the emotion right now is showing up as EXTREME nausea, and I know this feeling all too well. I’m scared to sit with it because in the past it has lead to violently throwing up- like, walking around with broken blood vessels on my face for a week violent. I feel like I can’t think about anything. I think I’m hitting up on something that has been with me my whole life and I think I need a push to make myself go into it.

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